France -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Women -- Psychology -- Fiction
Similar waves of feeling had swept over her during the month of the
Virgin in the church laden with the perfume of flowers. And, as
twilight fell, the vastness of Paris filled her with a deep religious
impression. The stretch of plain seemed to expand, and a sadness rose
up from the two millions of living beings who were being engulfed in
darkness. And when it was night, and the city with its subdued rumbling
had vanished from view, her oppressed heart poured forth its sorrow,
and her tears overflowed, in presence of that sovereign peace. She
could have clasped her hands and prayed. She was filled with an intense
craving for faith, love, and a lapse into heavenly forgetfulness; and
the first glinting of the stars overwhelmed her with sacred terror and
enjoyment.
A lengthy interval of silence ensued, and then the Abbé spoke once
more, this time more pressingly.
“My daughter, you must confide in me. Why do you hesitate?”
She was still weeping, but more gently, like a wearied and powerless
child.
“The Church frightens you,” he continued. “For a time I thought you had
yielded your heart to God. But it has been willed otherwise. Heaven has
its own purposes. Well, since you mistrust the priest, why should you
refuse to confide in the friend?”
“You are right,” she faltered. “Yes, I am sad at heart, and need your
consolation. I must tell you of it all. When I was a child I seldom, if
ever, entered a church; now I cannot be present at a service without
feeling touched to the very depths of my being. Yes; and what drew
tears from me just now was that voice of Paris, sounding like a mighty
organ, that immeasurable night, and those beauteous heavens. Oh! I
would fain believe. Help me; teach me.”
Abbé Jouve calmed her somewhat by lightly placing his hand on her own.
“Tell me everything,” he merely said.
She struggled for a time, her heart wrung with anguish.
“There’s nothing to tell, I assure you. I’m hiding nothing from you. I
weep without cause, because I feel stifled, because my tears gush out
of their own accord. You know what my life has been. No sorrow, no sin,
no remorse could I find in it to this hour. I do not know—I do not
know—”
Her voice died away, and from the priest’s lips slowly came the words,
“You love, my daughter!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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