France -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Women -- Psychology -- Fiction
She started; she dared not protest. Silence fell on them once more. In
the sea of shadows that slumbered before them a light had glimmered
forth. It seemed at their feet, somewhere in the abyss, but at what
precise spot they would have been unable to specify. And then, one by
one, other lights broke through the darkness, shooting into instant
life, and remaining stationary, scintillating like stars. It seemed as
though thousands of fresh planets were rising on the surface of a
gloomy lake. Soon they stretched out in double file, starting from the
Trocadero, and nimbly leaping towards Paris. Then these files were
intersected by others, curves were described, and a huge, strange,
magnificent constellation spread out. Hélène never breathed a word, but
gazed on these gleams of light, which made the heavens seemingly
descend below the line of the horizon, as though indeed the earth had
vanished and the vault of heaven were on every side. And Hélène’s heart
was again flooded with emotion, as a few minutes before when
Charles’s-Wain had slowly begun to revolve round the Polar axis, its
shaft in the air. Paris, studded with lights, stretched out, deep and
sad, prompting fearful thoughts of a firmament swarming with unknown
worlds.
Meanwhile the priest, in the monotonous, gentle voice which he had
acquired by years of duty in the confessional, continued whispering in
her ear. One evening in the past he had warned her; solitude, he had
said, would be harmful to her welfare. No one could with impunity live
outside the pale of life. She had imprisoned herself too closely, and
the door had opened to perilous thoughts.
“I am very old now, my daughter,” he murmured, “and I have frequently
seen women come to us weeping and praying, with a craving to find faith
and religion. Thus it is that I cannot be deceiving myself to-day.
These women, who seem to seek God in so zealous a manner, are but souls
rendered miserable by passion. It is a man whom they worship in our
churches.”
She was not listening; a strife was raging in her bosom, amidst her
efforts to read her innermost thoughts aright. And at last confession
came from her in a broken whisper:
“Oh! yes, I love, and that is all! Beyond that I know nothing—nothing!”
He now forbore to interrupt her; she spoke in short feverish sentences,
taking a mournful pleasure in thus confessing her love, in sharing with
that venerable priest the secret which had so long burdened her.
“I swear I cannot read my thoughts. This has come to me without my
knowing its presence. Perhaps it came in a moment. Only in time did I
realize its sweetness. Besides, why should I deem myself stronger than
I am? I have made no effort to flee from it; I was only too happy, and
to-day I have yet less power of resistance. My daughter was ill; I
almost lost her. Well! my love has been as intense as my sorrow; it
came back with sovereign power after those days of terror—and it
possesses me, I feel transported—”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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