England -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction
He went out into the streets. The weather, fine and bright, suggested
the earliest infancy of spring, and Piccadilly was full of all classes
and all ages of women. There were regiments of men, too, but the gay
and endless stream of women obsessed him. He saw them sitting in
hansoms and private carriages and on the tops of omnibuses, niched in
high windows, shining in obscurity of shops, treading the pavements
with fairy step, either unattended or by the side of foolish,
unappreciative males. Every man in London seemed to have the right to
a share of some woman's companionship, except himself. As for those
men who walked alone, they had sweethearts somewhere, or mothers and
sisters, or they were married and even now on the way to wife and
hearth. Only he was set apart.
A light descended upon him that afternoon. The average man and the
average woman being constantly thrown into each other's society, custom
has staled for them the exquisite privilege of such intercourse. The
rustic cannot share the townsman's enthusiasm for rural scenery; he
sees no matter for ecstasy in the view from his cottage door; and in
the same way the average man and the average woman dine together, talk
together, walk together, and know not how richly they are therein
blessed. But with solitaries like Richard it is different. Debarred
from fellowship with the opposite sex by circumstances and an innate
diffidence which makes the control of circumstance impossible, their
starved sensibilities acquire certain morbid tenderness. (Doubtless the
rustic discerns morbidity in the attitude of the townsman towards the
view from his cottage door.) Richard grasped this. In a luminous moment
of self-revelation, he was able to trace the growth of the malady.
From its first vague and fugitive symptoms, it had so grown that now,
on seeing an attractive woman, he could not be content to say, "What
an attractive woman!" and have done with it, but he needs must build a
house, furnish a room in the house, light a fire in the room, place
a low chair by the fire, put the woman in the chair, with a welcoming
smile on her upturned lips--and imagine that she was his wife. And it
was not only attractive women that laid the spell upon him. The sight
of any living creature in petticoats was liable to set his hysterical
fancy in motion. Every woman he met was Woman.... Of the millions of
women in London, why was he not permitted to know a few? Why was he
entirely cut off? There they were: their silk skirts brushed him as
they passed; they thanked him for little services in public vehicles;
they ministered to him in restaurants; they sang to him at concerts,
danced for him at theatres; touched his existence at every side--and
yet they were remoter than the stars, unattainable as the moon.... He
rebelled. He sank in despair, and rose to frenzies of anger. Then he
was a pathetic figure, and extended to himself his own pity, smiling
sardonically at fate. Fate was the harder to bear because he was
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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