England -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction
One Saturday afternoon towards the end of February, he suddenly decided
to read through so much of the draft novel as was written; hitherto
he had avoided any sort of revision. The resolve to accomplish five
hundred words a day had been kept indifferently well, and the total
stood at about fourteen thousand. As he wrote a very bold hand, the
sheets covered made quite a respectable pile. The mere bulk of them
cajoled him, in spite of certain misgivings, into an optimistic
surmise as to their literary quality. Never before had he written so
much upon one theme, and were the writing good or bad, he was, for a
few moments, proud of his achievement. The mischief lay in the fact
that week by week he had exercised less and still less care over
the work. The phrase, "Anything will do for a draft," had come to
be uttered with increasing frequency as an excuse for laxities of
style and construction. "I will make that right in the revision,"
he had reassured himself, and had gone negligently forward, leaving
innumerable crudities in the wake of his hurrying pen. During the last
few days he had written scarcely anything, and perhaps it was a hope
of stimulating a drooping inspiration by the complacent survey of work
actually done that tempted him to this hazardous perusal.
He whistled as he took up the manuscript, as a boy whistles when going
into a dark cellar. The first three pages were read punctiliously,
every word of them, but soon he grew hasty, rushing to the next
paragraph ere the previous one was grasped; then he began shamelessly
to skip; and then he stopped, and his heart seemed to stop also.
The lack of homogeneity, of sequence, of dramatic quality, of human
interest; the loose syntax; and the unrelieved mediocrity of it all,
horrified him. The thing was dry bones, a fiasco. The certainty that
he had once more failed swept over him like a cold, green wave of the
sea, and he had a physical feeling of sickness in the stomach.... It
was with much ado that he refrained from putting the whole manuscript
upon the fire, and crushing it venomously into the flames with a
poker. Then he steadied himself. His self-confidence was going, almost
gone; he must contrive to recover it, and he sought for a way. (Where
were now the rash exultations of the New Year?) It was impossible
that his work should be irredeemably bad. He remembered having read
somewhere that the difference between a fine and a worthless novel was
often a difference of elaboration simply. A conscientious re-writing,
therefore, might probably bring about a surprising amelioration. He
must immediately make the experiment. But he had long since solemnly
vowed not to commence the second writing till the draft was done;
the moral value of finishing even the draft had then seemed to him
priceless. No matter! Under stress of grievous necessity, that oath
must be forsworn. No other course could save him from collapse.
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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