“What can I do?” he asked himself. “I can do nothing. What can I say? I
can say nothing. No, I must not speak to her, I will not look at her.
When I see her I will sit down in my armchair and look on the floor
until she is gone, that is, if I have the strength. What will become of
me if she should come? And perhaps she will come every day and will be
always there watching me through the bars, and will call out and insult
me as some do already. How could I bear that?”
Then he asked himself why should she come at all, and began to persuade
himself that there was no reason why she should visit him, and that it
was the most irrational fear that could seize hold of him--but it would
not do.
“No,” said he at length, shaking his head, “I see she is bound to come.
She is free to go where she likes, and one day when I look up I shall
see her there, staring into my cage at me. Sooner or later it is bound
to happen.” Then he asked himself what errand would send her there to
look at him? Why would she come? Would it be to mock at him and torment
him, or would it be because now that it was too late she repented of
sending him there?
“No,” he told himself, “no, Josephine will never repent, or if she
should, she would not own to it. When she does come here it will be to
hurt me more than she has done already; she will come to torture me
because it amuses her and I am at her mercy. Oh, God, she has no mercy
in her.”
At this Mr. Cromartie who was so proud only a half-hour ago, saying he
cared nothing for mankind now and nothing for what they said, began to
cry and whimper like a baby, staying hidden all the while in his little
bedroom. He sat there on the edge of his bed with his face buried in his
hands for a quarter of an hour, and the tears running through his
fingers. And all the while he was busy with this new fear of his, and
saying to himself first that his life was no longer safe, that Josephine
would bring a pistol and shoot him through the bars; and then his
thoughts fetching about, that she cared nothing for him, and would not
come to hurt him, but from mere love of notoriety and to get herself
talked about by her friends or in the newspapers. At last he pulled
himself somewhat together, washed his face and bathed his eyes, and then
went back into his cage, where you may be sure the crowd was pretty
impatient to see him after being kept waiting so long.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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