United States -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
"Well, I reckon you won't," said the Virginian; "I've been inviting you
to the 'home of your fathers' ever since I was born, and this is the
very first time I ever got you to own up to a scrap of leisure as big as
your thumb nail. I've got you now with nothing to do and nowhere to go,
and I mean to take you with me this very evening to Virginia. We'll
leave on the eleven o'clock train to-night, get to Richmond to-morrow at
two, and go up home next morning in time for snack."
"But, my dear Billy----"
"But, my dear Bob, I won't hear a word, and I won't take no for an
answer. That's poz roz and the king's English. I'm managing this little
job. You can give up your rooms to-day, sell out your plunder, and stop
expenses. Then you needn't open your pocket-book again for so long that
you'll forget how it looks inside. Put a few ninepences into your
breeches pocket to throw at darkeys when they hold your horse, and the
thing's done. And won't we wake up old Shirley? I tell you it's the
delightfulest two hundred year old establishment you ever saw or didn't
see. As the Irish attorney said of his ancestral home: 'there isn't a
table in the house that hasn't had jigs danced upon it, and there's not
a chair that you can't throw at a friend's head without the slightest
fear of breaking it.' When we get there we'll have as much fun as a pack
of hounds on a fresh trail."
"Upon my word, Billy," said the professor cousin, "your metaphors have
the merits of freshness and originality, at the least, though now and
then, as in the present instance, they are certainly not very
complimentary. However, it just occurs to me that I have been wanting to
go to Shirley 'ever since I was born,' if you will allow me to borrow
one of your forcible phrases, and this really does seem to be a
peculiarly good opportunity to do so. I am a good deal interested in
dialects and provincialisms, so it would be worth my while to visit you,
if for no other reason, because my stay at Shirley will give me an
excellent opportunity to study some of your own expressions. 'Poz roz,'
now, is entirely new to me, and I might make something out of it in a
philological way."
"Upon my word" said Mr. Billy, "that's a polite speech. If you'll only
say you'll go, though, I don't care the value of a herring's left fore
foot what use you make of me. I'm yours to command and ready for any
sport that suits you, unless you take a notion to throw rocks at me."
"Pray tell me, Billy, do Virginians ever throw rocks? I am interested in
muscle, and should greatly like to see some one able to throw rocks. I
have paid half a dollar many a time to see a man lift extraordinary
weights, but the best of the showmen never dream of handling anything
heavier than cannon-balls. It would be decidedly entertaining to see a
man throwing rocks and things of that sort about, even if he were to use
both hands in doing it."
"Nonsense," said Billy; "I'm not one of your students getting a
dictionary lesson. Waiter!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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