“Yes, it can. Don't you worry. I know they're arrested as fast as we
send them out, but, bless you, the supply's endless. Ever since the
Revue boom started and actors were expected to do six different parts in
seven minutes, there are platoons of music-hall 'pros' hanging about
the Strand, ready to take on any sort of job you offer them. I have a
special staff flushing the Bodegas. These fellows love it. It's meat and
drink to them to be right in the public eye like that. Makes them feel
ten years younger. It's wonderful the talent knocking about. Those
Zulus used to have a steady job as the Six Brothers Biff, Society
Contortionists. The Revue craze killed them professionally. They cried
like children when we took them on.
“By the way, could you put through an expenses cheque before you go?
The fines mount up a bit. But don't you worry about that either. We're
coining money. I'll show you the returns in a minute. I told you we
should turn the corner. Turned it! Blame me, we've whizzed round it on
two wheels. Have you had time to see the paper since you got back? No?
Then you haven't seen our new Scandal Page--'We Just Want to Know, You
Know.' It's a corker, and it's sent the circulation up like a rocket.
Everybody reads 'Squibs' now. I was hoping you would come back soon. I
wanted to ask you about taking new offices. We're a bit above this sort
of thing now.”
Roland, meanwhile, was reading with horrified eyes the alleged corking
Scandal Page. It seemed to him without exception the most frightful
production he had ever seen. It appalled him.
“This is awful,” he moaned. “We shall have a hundred libel actions.”
“Oh, no, that's all right. It's all fake stuff, tho the public doesn't
know it. If you stuck to real scandals you wouldn't get a par. a week.
A more moral set of blameless wasters than the blighters who constitute
modern society you never struck. But it reads all right, doesn't it? Of
course, every now and then one does hear something genuine, and then it
goes in. For instance, have you ever heard of Percy Pook, the bookie? I
have got a real ripe thing in about Percy this week, the absolute limpid
truth. It will make him sit up a bit. There, just under your thumb.”
Roland removed his thumb, and, having read the paragraph in question,
started as if he had removed it from a snake.
“But this is bound to mean a libel action!” he cried.
“Not a bit of it,” said Mr. Petheram comfortably. “You don't know Percy.
I won't bore you with his life-history, but take it from me he doesn't
rush into a court of law from sheer love of it. You're safe enough.”
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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