I was more than ready to take the place. With the rest of the new
administration I was sworn in, and so entered on my life work. It was a
far cry from my earlier ambition to be a Fellow at Oxford.
*BOOK IV*
*I*
"Literary unity" can be secured in an autobiography only at the expense
of all sense of reality. The simplest of us is a multiple personality,
can be described only partially from any one point of view. The text
book on physiology which I studied in school contained three
illustrations. One of them pictured a human being as a structure of
bones, a skeleton; another showed man as a system of veins and arteries;
the third as a mass of interwoven muscles. None of them looked like any
man I have ever seen. It is the same with most autobiographies, the
writers, in order to center attention on one phase of their activities,
have cut away everything which would make their stories seem life-like.
"The Memoirs" of Cassanova give us the picture of a lover. But he must
have been something more than a _roué_. "The Personal Recollections" of
General Grant portray the career of a soldier. But after all he was a
man first, it was more or less by chance that he became a
victory-machine. How fragmentary is the picture of his life, which
Benvenuto Cellini gives us!
I might accept these classic models and tell directly the story of my
work in the Tombs. I might limit my narrative to that part of myself
which was involved in friendship with Norman Benson. Or again, I might
strip off everything else, ignore the flesh and bones and blood vessels,
and write of myself as an "emotional system." In one of these ways I
might more nearly approach a literary production. But certainly it
would be at a sacrifice of verisimilitude. Perhaps some great writer
will come who will unite the artistic form with an impression of
actuality. But until genius has taught us the method we must choose
between the two ideals. My choice is for reality rather than art.
And life, as it has appeared to me, is episodal in form, unified only in
the continual climaxes of the present moment. It is a string of
incidents threaded on to the uninterrupted breathing of the same person.
The facts of any life are related only _de post facto_, in that they
influence the future course of the individual to whom they happen. The
farther back we strive to trace these influences, which have formed us,
the greater complexity we find. It is not only our bodies which have
"family trees," that show the number of our ancestors, generation by
generation, increasing with dizzy rapidity. It is the same with our
thoughts and tastes. From an immensely diffuse luminosity the lens of
life has focused the concentrated rays of light which are you and I.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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