Bettina's face continued proudly hard. If the gentleness of her
companion's expression, the kindness of his manner, the delicate
respect of his tones, made any appeal to her woman's heart, the
all-potency of her pride enabled her to conceal it. But the struggle
between the two feelings at war within her made a desperate demand
upon her strength. She felt that she would do well to put an end to
this interview as soon as practicable. With this purpose she said,
abruptly:
"I am willing to do full justice to your motives, but they cannot
affect my action. My mind is quite made up. I shall return to America
at once, and there the credit of Lord Hurdly's name will not suffer
any hurt, since I shall be practically out of the world. Certainly I
shall be forever removed from the world in which his life will be
spent. Do not think that I shall regret it. I shall not. My
experience of your world has shown me that the mere possession of
money, rank, position, influence, is powerless to bring happiness. I
thought once that if I should come to have these I could get pleasure
and satisfaction from them, but I was wrong. My nature inherently
loved importance and display, but I mistook the unessential for the
essential. If I had had all these external things, together with the
satisfaction of the inward needs, they might have made me happy. In
themselves I have proved them to be worthless."
She was compelled to say these words. The intimate knowledge of the
character of her husband which had come to her after marriage made
her long that Horace should know that had she really comprehended the
man as he perhaps had known him all the while, she never could have
become his wife. It was impossible for her to tell him this, but she
caught eagerly at her present opportunity of letting him know that
she had had no duty toward her late husband beyond the mere formal
obligation of her wifehood. She could not bear Horace to think that
she had loved him. Even now, under the softening influence that death
imparts, that thought was intolerable to her. This was quite aside
from his treatment of her in his will, which, indeed, was strangely
little to her. It was the memory of the crafty and common nature
under that polished exterior that made her recoil from the thought
of him now.
If this feeling was strengthened by the contrast of the personality
now present to her gaze, how could she be blamed? Surely the man who
stood before her might have seemed to answer any woman's heart's
desire as lover, companion, friend. How her conscience smote her for
the doubts she had once had of him! When she remembered whose
treachery it was that had created these doubts, there was hate in her
heart.
She did not wish him to see the expression of this feeling in her
face, so she rose abruptly and turned from him. As if he understood
her, he rose also, and crossed the room to the desk at which she had
been seated on his entrance.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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