From his point of view, the pleasure with which she greeted him on his
arrival at the house in Kensington was almost pathetic. He reproached
her gently for not having told him she was coming to town. She replied
that it had only been decided at the last moment, and that she was
just going to write to him when Tom, appearing on the scene, offered
to take the news in person. The way in which she took it for granted
that he was as glad to see her as she was to see him appealed to his
sympathy so strongly that he was nearly moved to take her in his arms
and kiss her there and then. But he refrained. He never had kissed
Stella, even in the old days. He had always had a feeling that a kiss
would mean so much more to her than it did to him; indeed, that was
one of her faults in his eyes, that everything meant so much more to
her than it did to him. Often he would have liked to kiss her; having
brought matters to a point at which a kiss was the next thing which
might have been expected, he felt sure that she had expected it. But
he kept himself sufficiently in hand to stop on the very edge, having
it in his mind that it might be as well for him to be able, some day,
if need be, to assert with truth that he had never gone beyond it.
Ordinarily he would have had no scruples on such a point. Oddly
enough, in a sense, he was afraid of Stella, recognising in her an
essential purity with which he himself had nothing in common. Her
standard of life was so infinitely above his own that he was always
conscious of a sense of strain after being some time in her company;
it came from his attempting to sustain himself in the rarefied
atmosphere in which she moved with ease. He would have been willing to
hold her in his arms; he would have loved to; but he would not have
liked to know that she was his superior in all essentials; and he
would have to know. Sooner or later she might discover what kind of
creature he was; but, though he believed that in such a plight she
would keep her own counsel, none the less he would resent the
discovery she had made.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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