A message from Mars : $b A fantastic comedy in three acts — John Shaqi
A message from Mars : $b A fantastic comedy in three actsGanthony, Richard
Science
A message from Mars : $b A fantastic comedy in three acts
Ganthony, Richard
Dreams -- Drama; England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Drama; Man-woman relationships -- Drama; Selfishness -- Drama
TRAMP. Same as me again. I had a wife once, though. But she’s dead and
gone. I had a little daughter, but I don’t know what become of her.
What’s on here? A party?
HORACE. Yes.
(_Footman opens door and AUNT and BELLA come out, followed by DICEY and
MINNIE._)
TRAMP. Going away. Come on, let’s call a cab.
HORACE. No good, they’ve got their own car.
AUNT. Oh, how thick the snow is.
DICEY. Don’t slip, Minnie.
TRAMP. Minnie! Look! There’s my Minnie! My darling little Minnie!
HORACE. Where?
TRAMP. There in the doorway, with that swell! It’s my Minnie! I’ll swear
to it! The living image of her mother! I’m going to speak to her.
HORACE. (_Holding him back_) No, no, man. Think how you will disgrace her.
TRAMP. Disgrace her? Why, she will be proud of her father.
HORACE. See, she has someone to care for her. Why break in upon her life?
You have forfeited your claim.
TRAMP. Not much I haven’t. She could give me a fine lift up, and then I’d
help you.
HORACE. Not if I die in the gutter! It may be your right. But don’t drag
her down to your level and mine. Stop him, Marsy! You can.
MESSENGER. (_Waves his hand to TRAMP, who seems to give up his purpose._)
A thought for another. The fire is catching.
TRAMP. Well, you’re a rum ’un! No wonder you are down on your luck. A man
must think of himself in this world a little bit. But you’re a good sort.
I won’t speak to the girl, though she is my daughter. See here now, I’ve
got an idea.
HORACE. I know you have. Lots of them.
TRAMP. How did you know that?
HORACE. I guessed it. (_Aside_) I hope he won’t recognize me.
TRAMP. The people will be going home presently. Let’s get to work and
clear the snow for them to get to their cars. We might pick up a bit that
way.
HORACE. Capital, but we have no shovels.
TRAMP. Can’t get shovels. Look around and see if you can’t find a bit of
board to scrape with.
HORACE. A bit of board to scrape with! I recognize the inventor.
TRAMP. Here, what’s the matter with that barrel?
HORACE. Lor’, I should never have thought of that.
TRAMP. Look out for the Bobby!
(_TRAMP kicks barrel apart and tears out a couple of staves._)
TRAMP. You start on the steps.
(_They clear a path from door to off L._)
HORACE. (_As they work_) I wonder how much we shall make?
TRAMP. Sixpence or two if we’re in luck. Halves, partner?
HORACE. Halves, if you say so. Halves, partner.
TRAMP. Seems to me I’ve met you somewhere.
HORACE. Thunder, he recognizes me! (_Aside._)
TRAMP. Didn’t I see you last August down Margate way with a piano-organ
and a monkey?
HORACE. (_Quite boldly_) Very likely.
TRAMP. I thought I’d met you before. Ah, you have come down a bit since
then. About ready for them.
(_FOOTMAN at door and LADY and FIRST GENTLEMAN come out._)
TRAMP. (_Most cheerily_) Cleared the snow for you, Lady. Made a nice
path, Sir. (_Touching his hat._)
HORACE. (_Faintly imitating and touching his hat_) Cleared the snow for
you, Lady. Made a nice path, Sir.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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