A moment of madness, and other stories (vol. 2 of 3)Marryat, Florence
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A moment of madness, and other stories (vol. 2 of 3)
Marryat, Florence
English fiction -- 19th century; Short stories, English
It was five o’clock—five o’clock on a dull November afternoon—as I,
Elizabeth Lacy, the wretched companion of Lady Cunningham, of Northampton
Lodge, in the town of Rockledge, stood gazing from the dining-room
windows at the grey curtain of fog which was slowly but surely rising
between my vision and all outward things, and thinking how like it was
in colour and feeling and appearance to my own sad life. I have said
that I was the ‘wretched’ companion of Lady Cunningham: is it very
ungrateful of me to have written down that word? I think not; for if a
wearisome seclusion and continual servitude have power to make a young
life miserable, mine had fairly earned its title to be called so. I had
withered in the cold and dispiriting atmosphere of Northampton Lodge
for four years past, and had only been prevented rupturing my chains by
the knowledge that I had no alternative but to rush from one state of
bondage to another. To attend upon old ladies like an upper servant—to
write their letters, carry their shawls, and wait upon them as they moved
from room to room—this was to be my lot through life; and if I ever
dreamed that a brighter one might intervene, the vision was too faint and
idealistic to gild the stern realities which were no dreams.
I daresay there are plenty of people in this world more miserable than
I: indeed, I knew it for a fact even at the time of which I speak; and
the few friends I possessed were never tired of telling me that I was
better off than many, and that I should strive to look on the bright
side of things, and to thank heaven who had provided me with a safe and
respectable home, when I might have been upon the parish. Did not Job
have friends to console him in his trouble? Do not we all find in the
day of our distress that, whatever else fails, good advice is always
forthcoming? Well! perhaps I _was_ ungrateful: at all events, I was young
and headstrong, and good advice irritated and worried, instead of making
me any better. I knew that I was warmly clothed, whilst beggars stood
shivering at the corner of the streets, and that beneath the care of Lady
Cunningham no harm could happen to me, whilst women younger than myself
broke God’s holy laws to put bread in their mouths. And yet, and yet,
so perverse is human nature, and so perverse was mine above all others,
that, engaged on my monotonous round of duty, I often envied the beggars
their liberty and their rags; and even sometimes wished that I had not
been reared so honestly, and had the courage to be less respectable and
more free. Perhaps one reason why my life chafed me so fearfully, was
because I had not been brought up to it. Five years before, I had been
the child of parents in good circumstances, and loved and made much of,
as only daughters generally are. My father, who held the comfortable
living of Fairmead in Dorsetshire, had always managed to keep up the
household of a gentleman, and my poor delicate mother and myself had
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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