Brainard came to the office to talk with me about her one day. “I am a
very miserable man, Grant,” he said. “I am afraid I have lost my wife's
regard. Oh, don't tell me it is partly my fault. I know it well enough.
And I know you haven't had a very good opinion of me lately. But I am
remorseful enough now, God knows. And I would give my life to see her
as she was when I found her first among the mountains. Why, she used to
climb them like a strong man, and she was forever shouting and singing.
And she had peopled every spot with strange modern mythological
creatures. Her father is an old dreamer, and she got the trick from
him. They had a little telescope on a great knoll in the centre of the
valley, just where it commanded a long path of stars, and they used to
spend nights out there when the frost literally fell in flakes. When I
think how hardy and gay she was, how full of courage and life, and look
at her now, so feverish and broken, I feel as if I should go mad. You
know I never meant to do her any harm. Tell me that much, Grant.”
“I think you were very egotistical for a while, Brainard, and that is a
fact. And you didn't appreciate how much her nature demanded. But I
do not think you are responsible for your wife's present condition. If
there is any comfort in that statement, you are welcome to it.”
“But you don't mean--” he got no further.
“I mean that your wife may have her reservations, just as we all have,
and I am paying her high praise when I say it. You are not so narrow,
Leroy, as to suppose for a moment that the only sort of passion a woman
is capable of is that which she entertains for a man. How do I know
what is going on in your wife's soul? But it is nothing which even an
idealist of women, such as I am, old fellow, need regret.”
How glad I was afterward that I spoke those words. They exercised a
little restraint, perhaps, on Leroy when the day of his terrible trial
came. They made him wrestle with the demon of suspicion that strove to
possess him. I was sitting in my office, lagging dispiritedly over my
work one day, when the door burst open and Brainard stood beside me.
Brainard, I say, and yet in no sense the man I had known,--not a hint
in this pale creature, whose breath struggled through chattering teeth,
and whose hands worked in uncontrollable spasms, of the nonchalant
elegant I had known. Not a glimpse to be seen in those angry and
determined eyes of the gayly selfish spirit of my holiday friend.
“She's gone!” he gasped. “Since yesterday. And I'm here to ask you what
you think now? And what you know.”
A panorama of all shameful possibilities for one black moment floated
before me. I remember this gave place to a wave, cold as death, that
swept from head to foot; then Brainard's hands fell heavily on my
shoulders.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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