I am very sensible that nothing but the great power and unspeakable mercies of the Lord could relieve my soul from the heavy burden it laboured under at that time.--A few days after my master gave me Baxter's _Call to the unconverted_. This was no relief to me neither; on the contrary it occasioned as much distress in me as the other had before done, _as it_ invited all to come to _Christ_ and I found myself so wicked and miserable that I could not come--This consideration threw me into agonies that cannot be described; insomuch that I even attempted to put an end to my life--I took one of the large case-knives, and went into the stable with an intent to destroy myself; and as I endeavoured with all my strength to force the knife into my side, it bent double. I was instantly struck with horror at the thought of my own rashness, and my conscience told me that had I succeeded in this attempt I should probably have gone to hell. I could find no relief, nor the least shadow of comfort; the extreme distress of my mind so affected my health that I continued very ill for three Days, and Nights; and would admit of no means to be taken for my recovery, though my lady was very kind, and sent many things to me; but I rejected every means of relief and wished to die--I would not go into my own bed, but lay in the stable upon straw--I felt all the horrors of a troubled conscience, so hard to be born, and saw all the vengeance of God ready to overtake me--I was sensible that there was no way for me to be saved unless I came to _Christ_, and I could not come to Him: I thought that it was impossible He should receive such a sinner as me. The last night that I continued in this place, in the midst of my distress these words were brought home upon my mind, _"Behold the Lamb of God."_ I was something comforted at this, and began to grow easier and wished for day that I might find these words in my bible--I rose very early the following morning, and went to my school-master, Mr. Vanosdore, and communicated the situation of my mind to him; he was greatly rejoiced to find me enquiring the way to Zion, and blessed the Lord who had worked so wonderfully for me a poor heathen.--I was more familiar with this good gentleman than with my master, or any other person; and found myself more at liberty to talk to him: he encouraged me greatly, and prayed with me frequently, and I was always benefited by his discourse. About a quarter of a mile from my Master's house stood a large remarkably fine Oak-tree, in the midst of a wood; I often used to be employed there in cutting down trees, (a work I was very fond of) I seldom failed going to this place every day; sometimes twice a day if I could be spared. It was the highest pleasure I ever experienced to set under this Oak; for there I used to pour out all my complaints to the LORD: and when I had any particular grievance I used to go there, and talk to the tree, and tell my sorrows, as if it had been to a friend.