I found that if he had lived 'twas his intention to take me with him to Holland, as he had often mention'd me to some friends of his there that were desirous to see me; but I chose to continue with my Mistress who was as good to me as if she had been my mother. The loss of Mr. Freelandhouse distress'd me greatly, but I was render'd still more unhappy by the clouded and perplex'd situation of my mind; the great enemy of my soul being ready to torment me, would present my own misery to me in such striking light, and distress me with doubts, fears, and such a deep sense of my own unworthiness, that after all the comfort and encouragement I had received, I was often tempted to believe I should be a Cast-away at last.--The more I saw of the Beauty and Glory of God, the more I was humbled under a sense of my own vileness. I often repair'd to my old place of prayer; I seldom came away without consolation. One day this Scripture was wonderfully apply'd to my mind, _"And ye are compleat in Him which is the Head of all principalities and power."_--The Lord was pleas'd to comfort me by the application of many gracious promises at times when I was ready to sink under my troubles. _"Wherefore He is able also to save them to the uttermost that come unto God by Him seeing He ever liveth to make intercession for them._ Hebrews x. ver. 14. _For by one offering He hath perfected for ever them that are sanctified."_ My kind, indulgent Mistress liv'd but two years after my Master. Her death was a great affliction to me. She left five sons, all gracious young men, and Ministers of the Gospel.--I continued with them all, one after another, till they died; they liv'd but four years after their parents. When it pleased God to take them to Himself, I was left quite destitute, without a friend in the world. But I who had so often experienced the Goodness of GOD, trusted in Him to do what He pleased with me.--In this helpless condition I went in the wood to prayer as usual; and tho' the snow was a considerable height, I was not sensible of cold, or any other inconveniency.--At times indeed when I saw the world frowning round me, I was tempted to think that the LORD had forsaken me. I found great relief from the contemplation of these words in Isaiah xlix. v. 16. _"Behold I have graven thee on the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me."_ And very many comfortable promises were sweetly applied to me. The lxxxix. Psalm and 34th verse, _"My covenant will I not break nor alter the thing that is gone out of my lips."_ Hebrews, chap. xvi. v. 17, 18. Phillipians, chap. i. v. 6; and several more.