As formerly in Dönninghausen, she now tried to fix and confirm in
writing the shadowy images that rose before her; but she did not do it
as then, only from a desire to liberate her soul. An impulse towards
artistic creation had awakened within her,--an inheritance from her
father, as she joyfully reflected,--and she began to group and arrange
as a whole that which her fancy showed her phantom-like and confused.
Hour after hour she sat at the improvised desk which she had placed at
the window of the sick-room. A new home was here given her in place of
the beautiful, beloved one she had lost. Or was it not rather a
home-coming, a recovery of the dear old haunts of memory? Banished from
Dönninghausen, she fled to Lindenbad. Amid the green valleys and hills
of the Thüringian forest she laid the scene of her story, and a
profusion of melodious echoes from the days of her early girlhood lent
it a brightness that refreshed Johanna herself.
Weeks passed; Johanna buried herself in her task with passionate
intensity. The hours of daylight often did not suffice her; and even
when her lamp was extinguished, darkness brought no repose. The phantoms
of her fancy crowded about her and kept her awake. And many were her
struggles with an imperfect, undeveloped power of expression, with an
uncertain hand, and an untrained eye.
That she should suffer physically under this constant nervous strain was
but natural. Several times the physician called Helena's attention to
the fact that her step-daughter needed exercise in the open air. At
last, when he found his warnings unheeded, he went to Batti and informed
him that unless some attention were paid to Fräulein Johanna's health
they should soon have two nervous-fever patients in the house.
Batti rushed into his wife's room. "Helena, why have you so neglected
Johanna?" he shouted. "She will have nervous fever, and will die, all
through our fault. Curse me if I ever shall forgive myself! Come, come,
we must beg her to forgive us!"
With these words he rushed away again. Helena followed him, and found
him in the room up-stairs, confronting the astounded girl, clasping her
hand in his, while he overwhelmed her with entreaties, proposals, and
self-accusations. Helena must in future do her share of nursing. Johanna
must refresh herself, distract her mind; go to the circus, make
acquaintances. The end of it all was that he prevailed upon her to put
on her riding-habit. He would accompany her on her ride, and she should
try his Miss Jane, a mare positively made for her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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