It thus appears that in the marital relation the husband alone is the one rightly to be the giver. And his gift impoverishes neither himself nor his wife, the recipient, but paradoxically enriches both. The husband rightly gives his time, his attention, his love and thereby controls. But in order to do this he has to control himself absolutely, so as not to snatch away from both of them that of which nature has designed him to be the donor. Mutuality requires the husband to be sure to get something, but the thing he can get is the erotic acme of his wife, and this is the only result that, to the spiritually and mentally virile husband, has any value whatever. If, on the other hand, he takes his own erotic relaxation without getting hers it is merely a half gift which he forces, or persuades, her to give him, and mutuality is out of the question. § 24 The idea of compensation or barter or _quid pro quo_ must be rigidly excluded from the concept of mutuality; for this measuring of the balance of values of the actual physical performances or even intellectual attainments rests for its validity on the inevitable comparisons which are the basis of all values for the egoistic-social activities. To the greatest erotic success these comparisons are utterly antagonistic. In the erotic sphere, as is later noted,[11] comparisons are not merely odious, but logically impossible. There can be no balancing of giving and taking. From one point of view, the husband cannot but give all and receive nothing, at least of the character of that which he gives. He gives an emotional reaction to a woman, which no other man can give. He cannot in return reproduce in himself the emotional reaction of a woman. He cannot react as a woman reacts, if he be a virile lover, for such a reaction, though common enough in run-down marriages, is not the emotional reaction of a man. If his bisexuality leads him to approximate this feminine reaction, he is to that extent himself feminine and not masculine. One should not, however, ignore the fact that both men and women are normally bisexual to a slight extent, and to that degree woman will desire to exercise some control in the erotic sphere, even if it be only to create in her mate the most complete erotic effects. Also, if a woman with a comparatively large proportion of masculinity in her nature be married to a man with an equal proportion of femininity, a happy marriage may result, if no other adverse elements enter. But in general it will be admitted that the husband cannot rightly seek for himself the type of erotic reaction which is proper and peculiar to his wife; though it must be confessed that the suggestions operative even in the average married love episode are strongly that way. The husband hears the ecstatic responses of his wife and her repeated inquiries as to his own pleasurable sensations, and the whole situation is such as to suggest to him that he identify in every respect his own feelings with hers.