A Portrait of the Artist as a Young ManJoyce, James
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A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
Joyce, James
Artists -- Fiction; Autobiographical fiction; Bildungsromans; Dublin (Ireland) -- Fiction; Young men -- Fiction
Cranly, now grave again, slowed his pace and said:
—Alone, quite alone. You have no fear of that. And you know what that
word means? Not only to be separate from all others but to have not
even one friend.
—I will take the risk, said Stephen.
—And not to have any one person, Cranly said, who would be more than a
friend, more even than the noblest and truest friend a man ever had.
His words seemed to have struck some deep chord in his own nature. Had
he spoken of himself, of himself as he was or wished to be? Stephen
watched his face for some moments in silence. A cold sadness was there.
He had spoken of himself, of his own loneliness which he feared.
—Of whom are you speaking? Stephen asked at length.
Cranly did not answer.
_March_ 20. Long talk with Cranly on the subject of my revolt.
He had his grand manner on. I supple and suave. Attacked me on the
score of love for one’s mother. Tried to imagine his mother: cannot.
Told me once, in a moment of thoughtlessness, his father was sixtyone
when he was born. Can see him. Strong farmer type. Pepper and salt
suit. Square feet. Unkempt, grizzled beard. Probably attends coursing
matches. Pays his dues regularly but not plentifully to Father Dwyer of
Larras. Sometimes talks to girls after nightfall. But his mother? Very
young or very old? Hardly the first. If so, Cranly would not have
spoken as he did. Old then. Probably, and neglected. Hence Cranly’s
despair of soul: the child of exhausted loins.
_March_ 21, _morning_. Thought this in bed last night but was too lazy
and free to add to it. Free, yes. The exhausted loins are those of
Elizabeth and Zacchary. Then he is the precursor. Item: he eats chiefly
belly bacon and dried figs. Read locusts and wild honey. Also, when
thinking of him, saw always a stern severed head or death mask as if
outlined on a grey curtain or veronica. Decollation they call it in the
fold. Puzzled for the moment by saint John at the Latin gate. What do I
see? A decollated precursor trying to pick the lock.
_March_ 21, _night_. Free. Soul free and fancy free. Let the dead bury
the dead. Ay. And let the dead marry the dead.
_March_ 22. In company with Lynch followed a sizeable hospital nurse.
Lynch’s idea. Dislike it. Two lean hungry greyhounds walking after a
heifer.
_March_ 23. Have not seen her since that night. Unwell? Sits at the
fire perhaps with mamma’s shawl on her shoulders. But not peevish. A
nice bowl of gruel? Won’t you now?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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