Produced by Suzanne L. Shell, Charles Franks and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team A PREFECT'S UNCLE by P. G. Wodehouse 1903 [Dedication] TO W. TOWNEND Contents 1 Term Begins 2 Introduces an Unusual Uncle 3 The Uncle Makes Himself at Home 4 Pringle Makes a Sporting Offer 5 Farnie Gets Into Trouble-- 6 --and Stays There 7 The Bishop Goes For a Ride 8 The M.C.C. Match 9 The Bishop Finishes His Ride 10 In Which a Case is Fully Discussed 11 Poetry and Stump-cricket 12 'We, the Undersigned--' 13 Leicester's House Team Goes Into a Second Edition 14 Norris Takes a Short Holiday 15 _Versus_ Charchester (at Charchester) 16 A Disputed Authorship 17 The Winter Term 18 The Bishop Scores [1] TERM BEGINS Marriott walked into the senior day-room, and, finding no one there, hurled his portmanteau down on the table with a bang. The noise brought William into the room. William was attached to Leicester's House, Beckford College, as a mixture of butler and bootboy. He carried a pail of water in his hand. He had been engaged in cleaning up the House against the conclusion of the summer holidays, of which this was the last evening, by the simple process of transferring all dust, dirt, and other foreign substances from the floor to his own person. ''Ullo, Mr Marriott,' he said. 'Hullo, William,' said Marriott. 'How are you? Still jogging along? That's a mercy. I say, look here, I want a quiet word in season with the authorities. They must have known I was coming back this evening. Of course they did. Why, they specially wrote and asked me. Well, where's the red carpet? Where's the awning? Where's the brass band that ought to have met me at the station? Where's anything? I tell you what it is, William, my old companion, there's a bad time coming for the Headmaster if he doesn't mind what he's doing. He must learn that life is stern and life is earnest, William. Has Gethryn come back yet?' William, who had been gasping throughout this harangue, for the intellectual pressure of Marriott's conversation (of which there was always plenty) was generally too much for him, caught thankfully at the last remark as being the only intelligible one uttered up to present date, and made answer-- 'Mr Gethryn 'e's gorn out on to the field, Mr Marriott. 'E come 'arf an hour ago.' 'Oh! Right. Thanks. Goodbye, William. Give my respects to the cook, and mind you don't work too hard. Think what it would be if you developed heart disease. Awful! You mustn't do it, William.'