Produced by David E. Brown, Bryan Ness and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive/Canadian Libraries) [Illustration: "PST!"] A Proposal Under Difficulties A Farce By John Kendrick Bangs Illustrated Harper & Brothers Publishers New York and London 1905 Copyright, 1896, by HARPER & BROTHERS. _All rights reserved._ Published September, 1905. CAST OF CHARACTERS ROBERT YARDSLEY, } _suitors for the hand of JACK BARLOW, } Miss Andrews_. DOROTHY ANDREWS, _a much-loved young woman_. JENNIE, _a housemaid_. HICKS, _a coachman, who does not appear_. A PROPOSAL UNDER DIFFICULTIES _The scene is laid in a fashionable New York drawing-room. The time is late in October, and Wednesday afternoon. The curtain rising shows an empty room. A bell rings. After a pause the front-door is heard opening and closing. Enter YARDSLEY through portière at rear of room._ _Yardsley._ Ah! So far so good; but I wish it were over. I've had the nerve to get as far as the house and into it, but how much further my courage will carry me I can't say. Confound it! Why is it, I wonder, that men get so rattled when they're head over heels in love, and want to ask the fair object of their affections to wed? I can't see. Now I'm brave enough among men. I'm not afraid of anything that walks, except Dorothy Andrews, and generally I'm not afraid of her. Stopping runaway teams and talking back to impudent policemen have been my delight. I've even been courageous enough to submit a poem in person to the editor of a comic weekly, and yet here this afternoon I'm all of a tremble. And for what reason? Just because I've co-come to ask Dorothy Andrews to change her name to Mrs. Bob Yardsley; as if that were such an unlikely thing for her to do. Gad! I'm almost inclined to despise myself. (_Surveys himself in the mirror at one end of the room. Then walking up to it and peering intently at his reflection, he continues._) Bah! you coward! Afraid of a woman--a sweet little woman like Dorothy. You ought to be ashamed of yourself, Bob Yardsley. _She_ won't hurt you. Brace up and propose like a man--like a real lover who'd go through fire for her sake, and all that. Ha! That's easy enough to talk about, but how shall I put it? That's the question. Let me see. How _do_ men do it? I ought to buy a few good novels and select the sort of proposal I like; but not having a novel at hand, I must invent my own. How will it be? Something like this, I fancy. (_The portières are parted, and JENNIE, the maid, enters. YARDSLEY does not observe her entrance._) I'll get down on my knees. A man on his knees is a pitiable object, and pity, they say, is akin to love. Maybe she'll pity me, and after that--well, perhaps pity's cousin will arrive. (_The maid advances, but YARDSLEY is so intent