'CARISSIMA MIA,--I have set light to the fuse! I have frankly declared
that if I do not get out of this damp and verdant Bastile, I shall
perish of sheer inanition and exhaustion. The effect of the declaration
was for the moment such, that I hoped, actually hoped, that she was
going to get into a passion! It would have been so refreshing! After
twenty-six days of dumb acquiescence and silent tears, it would have
been positively delightful to have had a storm. But, no! For an instant
she looked at me with unspeakable reproach; the next her dove's eyes
filled, she sighed, she left the room! Do they not say that feather
beds offer an admirable defence against bullets? I feel like the
bullet which has been fired into the feather bed. The feather bed is
victorious. I see the Rue des Planches through the perspective of the
watery atmosphere; the Casino seems to smile at me from the end of the
interminable lime tree avenue, which is one of the chief beauties of
this house; but, alas! they are both as far off as if Trouville were in
the moon. What could they do to me if I came alone? Do you know what
they could do? I have not the remotest idea, but I imagine something
frightful. They shut up their public-houses by force, and their
dancing places. Perhaps they would shut up me. In England, they have a
great belief in creating virtue by Act of Parliament. In myself, this
enforced virtue creates such a revolt that I shall _tirer sur le mors_,
and fly before very long. The admired excellence of this beautiful
estate is that it lies in a ring-fence. I feel that I shall take a leap
over that ring-fence. Do not mistake me, _cara mia Teresina_, I am
exceedingly fond of my wife. I think her quite lovely, simple, saintly,
and truly womanlike. She is exquisitely pretty, and entirely without
vanity, and I am certain she is immeasurably my superior morally, and
possibly mentally too. But--there is always such a long and melancholy
"but" attached to marriage--she does not amuse me in the least. She is
always the same. She is shocked at nearly everything that is natural
or diverting. She thinks me unmanly because I dislike rain. She buttons
about her a hideous, straight, waterproof garment, and walks out in a
deluge. She blushes if I try to make her laugh at _Figaro_, and she
goes out of the room when I mention Trouville. What am I to do with a
woman like this? It is an admirable type, no doubt. Possibly if she had
not shut me up in a country-house in a wet June, with the thermometer
at 10 R., and the barometer fixedly at the word _Rainy_, I might have
been always charmed with this S. Dorothea-like attitude, and never have
found out the monotony of it. But, as it is--I yawn till I dislocate my
neck. She thinks me a heathen already. I am convinced that very soon
she will think me a brute. And I am neither. I only want to get out,
like the bird in the cage. It is a worn simile, but it is such a true
one!'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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