He was depressed and intimidated. He was sensible of his own utter
ignorance of the passions of life. This man, nigh his own age,
but so full of vigour, of ardour, of indignation, of pride in his
consciousness that he was beloved, and of resolve to stay where that
love was, be the cost what it would, daunted him with a sense of power
and of triumph such as he himself could not even comprehend, and yet
wistfully envied. It was sin, no doubt, he said to himself; and yet it
was life, it was strength, it was virility.
He had come to reprove, to censure, and to persuade into repentance
this headstrong lover, and he could only stand before him feeble and
oppressed, with a sense of his own ignorance and childishness. All the
stock, trite arguments which his religious belief supplied him seemed
to fall away and to be of no more use than empty husks of rotten nuts
before the urgency, the fervour, and the self-will of real life. This
man and woman loved each other, and they cared for no other fact than
this on earth or in heaven. He left the villa grounds in silence, with
only a gesture of salutation in farewell.
II
'Poor innocent, he meant well!' thought the steward, as he watched
the dark, slender form of the priest pass away through the vines and
mulberry trees. The young man did not greatly venerate the Church
himself, though he showed himself at mass and sent flowers for the
feast days because it was the custom to do so. He was, like most young
Italians who have had a smattering of education, very indifferent on
such matters, and inclined to ridicule. He left them for women and old
men. But there was something about his visitant which touched him; a
simplicity, an unworldliness, a sincerity which moved his respect; and
he knew in his secret heart that the _parocco_, as he called him, was
right enough in everything that he had said.
Don Gesualdo himself went on his solitary way, his buckled shoes
dragging wearily over the dusty grass of the wayside. He had done no
good, and he did not see what good he could do. He felt helpless
before the force and speed of an unknown and guilty passion, as he once
felt before a forest fire which he had seen in the Marches. All his
Church books gave him homilies enough on the sins of the flesh and the
temptings of the devil, but none of these helped him before the facts
of this lawless and godless love, which seemed to pass high above his
head like a whirlwind. He went on slowly and dully along the edge of
the river-bed; a sense of something which he had always missed, which
he would miss eternally, was with him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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