animal, and after two days' rapid journey, during which I felt my
spirits gradually rising, and my gloomy forebodings vanishing slowly
one by one, we arrived at Cannes, and put up at the Hotel de L----. It
was a lovely place, and most beautifully situated; the garden was a
perfect wilderness of roses in full bloom, and an avenue of
orange-trees beginning to flower cast a delicate fragrance on the warm
delicious air.
Mrs. Everard was delighted.
"If you do not recover your health here," she said half laughingly to
me on the second morning after our arrival, "I am afraid your case is
hopeless. What sunshine! What a balmy wind! It is enough to make a
cripple cast away his crutches and forget he was ever lame. Don't you
think so?"
I smiled in answer, but inwardly I sighed. Beautiful as the scenery,
the air, and the general surroundings were, I could not disguise from
myself that the temporary exhilaration of my feelings, caused by the
novelty and excitement of my journey to Cannes, was slowly but surely
passing away. The terrible apathy, against which I had fought for so
many months, was again creeping over me with its cruel and resistless
force. I did my best to struggle against it; I walked, I rode, I
laughed and chatted with Mrs. Everard and her husband, and forced
myself into sociability with some of the visitors at the hotel, who
were disposed to show us friendly attention. I summoned all my stock of
will-power to beat back the insidious physical and mental misery that
threatened to sap the very spring of my life; and in some of these
efforts I partially succeeded. But it was at night that the terrors of
my condition manifested themselves. Then sleep forsook my eyes; a dull
throbbing weight of pain encircled my head like a crown of thorns;
nervous terrors shook me from head to foot; fragments of my own musical
compositions hummed in my ears with wearying persistence--fragments
that always left me in a state of distressed conjecture; for I never
could remember how they ended, and I puzzled myself vainly over
crotchets and quavers that never would consent to arrange themselves in
any sort of finale. So the days went on; for Colonel Everard and his
wife, those days were full of merriment, sight-seeing, and enjoyment.
For me, though outwardly I appeared to share in the universal gaiety,
they were laden with increasing despair and wretchedness; for I began
to lose hope of ever recovering my once buoyant health and strength,
and, what was even worse, I seemed to have utterly parted with all
working ability. I was young, and up to within a few months life had
stretched brightly before me, with the prospect of a brilliant career.
And now what was I? A wretched invalid--a burden to myself and to
others--a broken spar flung with other fragments of ship wrecked lives
on the great ocean of Time, there to be whirled away and forgotten. But
a rescue was approaching; a rescue sudden and marvellous, of which, in
my wildest fancies, I had never dreamed.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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