And so by the time I left off my mourning, there was little left to be
done to make my establishment one of the most elegant in the city. Aunt
Helen now turned her attention to my clothes. The costumes which I
suffered her to select were marvels of Parisian art and New York
adaptiveness. She sought too, by frequent allusions to my increased
personal beauty, to arouse my vanity and induce me to throw off the pall
of soberness that had settled upon my spirit. When this failed, she had
recourse to an opposite policy, and repeated to me the remarks she
overheard in coming out of church and elsewhere concerning me. Many of
my acquaintances, she said, were of the opinion that I was eccentric and
partial to "advanced" ideas. Another story current was that I had been
compelled by my father on his death-bed, on pain of disinheritance, to
dismiss a young artist to whom I was passionately attached. There was
the same grain of truth to a bushel of error in the remaining
conjectures; but Aunt Helen assured me that every one agreed I was
peculiar, and deemed it unfortunate that a young lady possessed of such
signal advantages should be different from all the rest of the world.
Even I, unobservant as I was at this time, was made aware by the curious
glances directed at me as I descended from my carriage, that to a
certain extent an heiress belongs to the public.
Continual dropping, however, will wear away the hardest stone, and Aunt
Helen was not one to weary in what she considered well-doing. When
nearly three years had elapsed after my father's death, I yielded to her
urgency and consented to inaugurate my return to society by giving a
large ball. The idea came to me one night when I was feeling depressed
and discouraged over my failure to obtain more than a passive sort of
happiness in my present occupations. There were so many philanthropists,
I thought. I had even begun to feel that the poor were extremely well
provided for, and that in some respects they were really rather better
off than I was. For despite my studies and my hours with Mr. Chelm, and
the society meetings which I attended, I was conscious at heart of being
lonely. My ideas too had received certain impressions regarding the
people who composed society that were quite foreign to those which had
given me an aversion to it. Since my accession to an enormous fortune my
attention had naturally been directed to the conduct of people situated
similarly to myself. At first I was shocked and made morbid by the whirl
of selfish pleasure and dissipation that seemed to characterize the
lives of this class. But when I came to look a little deeper, I was
surprised to find how many people among the rich whom I had judged to be
simply frivolous and indifferent were in reality earnest workers in the
various fields of philanthropy, science, or art, for the most part
carrying on their investigations unobserved. Among them were a number of
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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