One would naturally suppose that men officially designated by their wise and honorable government to play dirty tricks on the people of a friendly nation would at least have as much intelligence as ordinary horses and dogs. But, no; not so with that Austro-German galaxy of shining stars. One lonesome and harmless American newspaper man, John R. Rathom, of the Providence _Journal_, had the gall to plant an employee in a secretarial position at Excellency von Bernstorff's elbow. Also, he put a bright American girl stenographer (=with= a red pencil) in the office of the Austrian Consul-General in New York. And not content with those outrages, he generously planted an office on each side of the German fake-passport factory in New York, instead of on one side only. And it was a Providence _Journal_ man who with most criminal carelessness changed portfolios with the astute Dr. Albert of Austria, and staged a fight in a street car,--without extra charge,--while that horrible mistake was being made. And the saddest part of it all is that nearly forty-eight long hours elapsed ere the lynx-eyed Doctor noticed the substitution, and made a fuss about it. Mr. Rathom's most delightful story is of his girl stenographer sitting demurely on a big box of incriminating papers, just prior to its shipment to Germany, sharing her frugal lunch with the shrewd Papen, and dreamily drawing two large red hearts on the box-cover, to which the sentimental Von thoughtfully and tenderly added a red transfixing arrow. This spooning led to the cheap and easy identification of the box in Merrie England. It reads like a foolishly impossible romance; but the joke of it is, it is quite true. "Oh, mon! but it was peetiful!" With all their training in treachery, and education in plotting and lying and concealment, Dumba, Bernstorff, Papen, Boy-Ed and Albert were one and all the most stupid donkeys that ever came down the pike. Not one of them knew the first principles of the self-protection system that (temporarily) keeps expert liars and thieves and forgers from being caught. Just fancy keeping check-stubs, and receipts, and copies of letters, =in lawless proceedings=! Great is "German thoroughness"--in being caught with the goods by an amateur sleuth, acting on his own brass hook. Mr. Rathom, who has enough to laugh over at the expense of Deutschland-über-alles for the rest of his life, has not shown to the world more than one-twentieth of his mirth-provoking materials. But how we do wish that by hook or by crook William the Witless might be told just how stupid his diplomatic representatives really were, and how much their stupidity helped the Allies. It has been said that liars need long memories; and it can safely be added that they also need as much intelligence as pet monkeys. A rogue who pays his fellow rogues =by checks on his bank account= is utterly hopeless. The only proper place for him is the cooling room of an asylum for idiots.