Next came donkey races and pony likewise, Each nobly contending a suitable prize, For the last a fine saddle was stuck up to view, Which after hard riding was won by the blue, Then we all were amus'd by men jumping in sacks, Tho' it laid the competitors soon on their backs, But the best sport of all since it shew'd the most skill, Was two well lather'd pigs left to run at their will Which who seiz'd by the tail was to have for the catching, But the grunters in this had the best in the matching, And I never yet saw such most excellent fun, As they made of the fellows who ventur'd to run; Nor do I yet think that they _fairly_ were caught, But the company all left the place ere they ought, For a very fine turtle that day was set out, By a West India heiress presented sans doute, And people of taste were impatient to try, If Harrogate turtle with London could vie; And 'tis with _great_ pride my good madam I tell, 'Twas allow'd that our cook did all London excel, I'm sure that Lord Goût, and Sir Harry Fullfare, Each ate three good pints of the soup for their share, And Mrs. Gourmander with Lady Allferret, Were equally strong in their proofs of its merit, And as very good eating some men of deep thinking, Have roundly declar'd calls for very good drinking; This alliance so nat'ral we sought to pursue, And gave to the turtle the honour its due, And that night for the first time I stagger'd to bed, With more wine on my stomach, than sense in my head, But a dose of the water as soon as 'twas day, Dispers'd all my head-ache and left me quite gay, And 'twas well that this good panacea I took, Or Agnes had murder'd my hopes with a look; For at best they're so delicate poor little things, One glance of her anger would clip all their wings, But I nourish the nestlings as well as I'm able, And consider each smile as an anchor and cable, My courage sometimes rises up to my cheek, Where it flushes and glows yet forbids me to speak; I would give all the world to make love to _one_ woman, With the ease Col'nel B--tem--n can do it in common, So pointed, yet meek, sentimental, and charming, Tho' always encroaching yet never alarming; 960 But no wonder the Colonel shines in this way, For practice makes perfect in all things they say, And to maid, wife, or widow he's constantly paying, Those tender attentions most dear, most betraying, Unmindful I ween what vexations and smarts, Must follow the game in this "play upon hearts." Far different the bosom true passion inspires, That silently loves, and devoutly admires, It sighs not by rule nor makes speeches by measure, Nor studies the arts of allurement at leisure, Yet feeling all eloquent sometimes reveals, That state of the soul which timidity seals, And I take it the very best chance for a lover, Is that moment when fortune his flame may discover;