Be assur'd that I charge him at least with high-treason, And it then would surprise ye to hear me debate, On the faults of the war and the crimes of the state, On wonderful plans for complete reformation, And fearful predictions for folks of high station, Then too the grand censor on writers I sit, And fulminate laws 'gainst pretenders to wit, 320 Or deeply regret these degenerate times, Produce prose without sense, without poetry rhymes Step on to consider the faults of the stage And conclude there's not one decent thing in the age. Thus as sung my great uncle "our evil, and good, "By few is conceiv'd, and by few understood," If unwisely we praise, or unfeelingly blame Now shudd'ring with ague, now burning with flame, Tho' ignorance gener'lly causes this fault, Yet _here_ 'tis the mixture of sulphur and salt Which nine times in ten will improve on our nature As it clears a complexion or softens a feature, And that without doubt you'll allow is the reason, Why so many matches are made here each season, And who knows dear ma'am but this wonderful water May gain me a sweet wife and yourself a dear daughter? And at Robey's likewise ev'ry morning I'm shown Since not to know _him_, would prove I was unknown Banker, Jeweller, Friseur, and Toyman, his trade is He's all things for the beaux and still more for the ladies, But no wonder they like him so much in this place, For good temper and honesty dwell in his face, And his shop is so stor'd with all things that are pretty, He has skimm'd the first cream from Pall Mall and the city. But from pictures of lounges I'll now give you rest, For the dinner bell rings and I am not half drest. &c. &c. &c. [Footnote 2: Doffing, undressing, _vide_ Johnson--a word much used in Derbyshire.] [Footnote 3: Wilson's, and Hargroves.] LETTER IV. _Rippon, August 5th._