The coy and gentle being had from the first day so fully resigned
herself never to step beyond the enchanted sphere where she found all
her happiness, that, after six years of the tenderest intimacy, she
still knew her lover only by the name of Roger. A print of the picture
of the Psyche lighting her lamp to gaze on Love in spite of his
prohibition, hung in her room, and constantly reminded her of the
conditions of her happiness. Through all these six years her humble
pleasures had never importuned Roger by a single indiscreet ambition,
and his heart was a treasure-house of kindness. Never had she longed for
diamonds or fine clothes, and had again and again refused the luxury of
a carriage which he had offered her. To look out from her balcony for
Roger’s cab, to go with him to the play or make excursions with him,
on fine days in the environs of Paris, to long for him, to see him,
and then to long again,--these made up the history of her life, poor in
incidents but rich in happiness.
As she rocked the infant, now a few months old, on her knee, singing
the while, she allowed herself to recall the memories of the past. She
lingered more especially on the months of September, when Roger was
accustomed to take her to Bellefeuille and spend the delightful days
which seem to combine the charms of every season. Nature is equally
prodigal of flowers and fruit, the evenings are mild, the mornings
bright, and a blaze of summer often returns after a spell of autumn
gloom. During the early days of their love, Caroline had ascribed the
even mind and gentle temper, of which Roger gave her so many proofs,
to the rarity of their always longed-for meetings, and to their mode of
life, which did not compel them to be constantly together, as a husband
and wife must be. But now she could remember with rapture that, tortured
by foolish fears, she had watched him with trembling during their first
stay on this little estate in the Gatinais. Vain suspiciousness of love!
Each of these months of happiness had passed like a dream in the midst
of joys which never rang false. She had always seen that kind creature
with a tender smile on his lips, a smile that seemed to mirror her own.
As she called up these vivid pictures, her eyes filled with tears; she
thought she could not love him enough, and was tempted to regard her
ambiguous position as a sort of tax levied by Fate on her love. Finally,
invincible curiosity led her to wonder for the thousandth time what
events they could be that led so tender a heart as Roger’s to find his
pleasure in clandestine and illicit happiness. She invented a thousand
romances on purpose really to avoid recognizing the true reason, which
she had long suspected but tried not to believe in. She rose, and
carrying the baby in her arms, went into the dining-room to superintend
the preparations for dinner.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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