HAPHAZARD. Farewell, my friends, farewell, go prank ye. By the gods, Haphazard, these men have tried thee: Who said thou wast no man, sure they belied thee. By Jove, master merchant, by sea or by land, Would get but small argent, if I did not stand His very good master, I may say to you, When he hazards in hope what hap will ensue. In court I am no man:--by Cock, sir, ye lie-- A ploughman, perhaps, or ere that he die, May hap be a gentleman, a courtier or captain; And hap may so hazard he may go begging: Perhaps that a gentleman, heir to great land, Which selleth his living for money in hand, In hazard it is the buying of more: Perhaps he may ride, when spent is his store. Hap may so hazard, the moon may so change, That men may be masters, and wives will not range: But in hazard it is in many a grange, Lest wives wear the cod-piece, and maidens go strange.[175] As peacocks sit perking by chance in the plumtree; So maids would be masters by the guise of this country. Haphazard each state full well that he marks, If hap the sky fall, we may hap to have larks. Well, fare ye well now for better or worse: Put hands to your pockets, have mind to your purse. [_Exit._ _Enter_ JUDGE APPIUS. The furrowed face of fortune’s force my pinching pain doth move: I, settled ruler of my realm, enforced am to love. Judge Appius I, the princeliest judge that reigneth under sun, And have been so esteemed long, but now my force is none: I rule no more, but ruled am; I do not judge but am judged; By beauty of Virginia my wisdom all is trudged. O peerless dame, O passing piece, O face of such a feature, That never erst with beauty such matched was by nature. O fond Apelles, prattling fool, why boasteth thou so much, The famous’t piece thou mad’st in Greece, whose lineaments were such? Or why didst thou, deceived man, for beauty of thy work, In such a sort with fond desire, where no kind life did lurk, With raging fits, thou fool, run mad, O fond Pigmalion? Yet sure, if that thou sawest my dear, the like thou could’st make none: Then what may I? O gods above, bend down to hear my cry, As once ye[176] did to Salmacis, in pond hard Lycia by. O, that Virginia were in case as sometime Salmacis, And in Hermophroditus stead myself might seek my bliss! Ah gods, would I unfold her arms complecting of my neck? Or would I hurt her nimble hand, or yield her such a check? Would I gainsay her tender skin to bathe, where I do wash, Or else refuse her soft, sweet lips to touch my naked flesh? Nay! O, the gods do know my mind, I rather would require To sue, to serve, to crouch, to kneel, to crave for my desire. But out, ye gods! ye bend your brows, and frown to see me fare; Ye do not force my fickle fate, ye do not weigh my care. Unrighteous and unequal gods, unjust and eke unsure,