Woe worth the time ye made me live to see this hapless hour! Did Iphis hang himself for love of lady not so fair? Or else did Jove the cloudy mists bend down from lightsome air? Or as the poets mention make of Inach’s daughter meek, For love did he, too, make a cow, whom Inach long did seek? Is love so great to cause the quick to enter into hell, As stout Orpheus did attempt, as histories do tell? Then what is it that love cannot? why, love did pierce the skies: Why, Pheb and famous Mercury with love had blinded eyes. But I, a judge, of grounded years, shall reap to me such name, As shall resound dishonour great with trump of careless fame. O, that my years were youthful yet, or that I were unwedded! _Here entereth_ HAPHAZARD. Why, cease, Sir Knight, for why perhaps of you she shall be bedded: For follow my counsel, so may you me please, That of careful resurging your heart shall have ease. APPIUS. O thundering gods, that threaten ire And plague for each offence, Yourselves, I deem, would counsel crave In this so fit pretence: And eke your nimble stretched arms With great rewards would fly, To purchase fair Virginia, So dear a wight, to me. And, friend, I swear by Jupiter, And eke by Juno’s seat, And eke by all the mysteries, Whereon thou canst entreat, Thou shalt possess and have, I will thee grant and give, The greatest part of all my realm, For aye thee to relieve. HAPHAZARD. Well then, this is my counsel, thus standeth the case; Perhaps such a fetch as may please your grace: There is no more ways,[177] but hap or hap not, Either hap or else hapless, to knit up the knot: And if you will hazard to venter what falls, Perhaps that Haphazard will end all your thralls. APPIUS. I mean so, I will so, if thou do persuade me, To hap or to hazard what thing shall invade me? I King and I Kaiser, I rule and overwhelm; I do what it please me within this my realm. Wherefore in thy judgment see that thou do enter: Hap life or hap death, I surely will venter. HAPHAZARD. Then this and in this sort standeth the matter: What need many words, unless I should flatter? Full many there be will hazard their life, Happ’ly to ease your grace of all your strife. Of this kind of conspiracy now let us common.[178] Some man Virginius before you must summon, And say that Virginia is none of his daughter, But that Virginius by night away caught her: Then charge you the father his daughter to bring; Then do you detain her, till proved be the thing: Which well you may win her, she present in house. It is but haphazard, a man or a mouse.