A Select Collection of Old English Plays, Volume 01
General
A Select Collection of Old English Plays, Volume 01
English drama
PALMER. His tale is all much perilous;[535]
But part is much more marvellous:
As where he said the devils complain,
That women put them to such pain.
Be their conditions so crooked and crabbed,
Frowardly fashioned, so wayward and wrabbed. [536]
So far in division, and stirring such strife,
That all the devils be weary of their life.
This[537] in effect he told for[538] truth.
Whereby much marvel to me ensueth,
That women in hell such shrews can be,
And here so gentle, as far as I see.
Yet have I seen many a mile,
And many a woman in the while.
Not one good city, town, or borough
In Christendom, but I have been thorough,
And this I would ye should understand,
I have seen women five hundred thousand:
And oft with them have long time tarried.[539]
Yet in all places where I have been,
Of all the women that I have seen,
I never saw nor knew in my conscience
Any one woman out of patience.
'POTHECARY. By the mass, there is a great lie.
PARDONER. I never heard a greater, by our Lady.
PEDLAR. A greater! nay, know ye any so great?
PALMER. Sir, whether that I lose or get,
For my part judgment shall be prayed.
PARDONER. And I desire, as he hath said.
'POTHECARY. Proceed, and ye shall be obeyed.
PEDLAR. Then shall not judgment be delayed,
Of all these three, if each man's tale
In Paul's Churchyard were set on sale,
In some man's hand that hath the sleight,
He should sure sell these tales by weight;
For as they weigh, so be they worth,
But which weigheth best, to that now forth.
Sir, all the tale that ye did tell
I bear in mind, and yours as well:
And as ye saw the matter meetly,
So lied ye both well and discreetly;
Yet were your lies with the least, trust me;
For if ye had said ye had made flee
Ten tampions out of ten women's tails,
Ten times ten mile to ten castles or jails,
And filled ten rivers ten times so deep,
As ten of that which your castle-stones did keep;
Or if ye ten times had bodily
Fet[540] ten souls out of purgatory;
And ten times so many out of hell:
Yet, by these ten bones, I could right well,
Ten times sooner all that believed,
Than the tenth part of that he hath meved.
'POTHECARY. Two knaves before one lacketh two knaves of five:[541]
Then one, and then one, and both knaves alive.
Then two, and then two, and three at a cast,
Thou knave, and thou knave, and thou knave at last.
Nay knave, if ye try me by number,
I will as knavishly you accumber[542]
Your mind is all on your privy tithe,
For all in ten me-thinketh your wit li'th.
Now ten times I beseech him that high sits,
Thy wife's ten commandments may search thy five wits.
Then ten of my turds in ten of thy teeth,
And ten on thy nose, which every man seeth;
And twenty times ten this wish I would
That thou hadst been hanged at ten year old:
For thou goest about to make me a slave.
I will thou know that I am a gentle[543] knave.
And here is another shall take my part.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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