"You can hardly, I think, doubt, Paolina mia, that I love you dearly,
far more dearly than anything else on the face of the earth. Do you not
see and know that all my life is devoted to you? You do not doubt,
darling, do you?" said Ludovico, as he sat holding one of her hands in
his.
She sat silent for awhile, and with her face turned away from him,
though she made no attempt to take her hand from his.
"You do not doubt it, Paolina?" he asked again.
"If I did doubt it,--if I had doubted it, Ludovico, you could not have
taught me the lesson which you have taught me--the lesson which you well
know you have so thoroughly taught me, to love you. We neither of us
doubt of the love of the other. But--."
She still continued to sit with her face averted from him; and, after
another pause, finished her speech only by a little sad shake of her
head.
Now the truth was that Ludovico often did doubt very much whether
Paolina really loved him. He did not understand the position in which
they stood towards each other at all. Here was a little utterly
unpretending artist, dependent on no one but herself, owing no duty to
any one, to whom he had been making love for the last eight months, as
he had never in his life made love before, who assured him that she
loved him; how was it that she had not been his mistress months and
months ago? How to account for so strange a phenomenon? He knew very
well, that if the exact truth of his position with regard to the little
Venetian artist were known or guessed at by any of the men with whom he
lived, he would have appeared to them an object of the utmost
ridicule,--a dupe,--a fool of the very first water. What on earth could
he have been about all the time?
And there were moments in which he was tempted to think the same of
himself; bitter moments of cynical world-wisdom, in which he scoffed at
himself for having been led to play the part he had played for these
last eight months. He would resolve at such moments to "speak plainly"
to Paolina; and, if such plain-speaking failed of the effect it was
intended to produce, to put her out of his mind and never waste a minute
or a thought upon her again.
But such plain-speaking had never got itself spoken,--had seemed, when
he was in presence of the intended object of it, utterly impossible to
be spoken. And as for the other alternative, he knew at the bottom of
his heart, that it was as much out of his power to put it in practice,
as it was to forget his own identity.
Something there was in the girl different from anything he had ever
known in any other specimen of the sex he had ever become acquainted
with. Something too there unmistakably was in his feeling towards her
very different from aught that he had ever felt before. What spell had
come over him? And what the deuce was the nature of her power over him?
And what the deuce was her own meaning, and feeling, and the motives of
her conduct?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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