"No, Ludovico; not at the thought of your being married to the Contessa
Violante! That is a thought which may break my heart. But it does not
make me shudder, as that other thought does;--the thought of--of--- of
loving one, who--who--who owes his love to another; the thought of
taking by stealth whatever share of love may be given to me stolen from
the rightful owner. Never! never! never! Would you then be mine,--all
mine, for ever, and ever, and ever! Oh, my love, my love! If you don't
understand this, love has not opened your eyes as it has mine. Do you
think that I could endure the thought of being married to another man?
The bare notion is horror--horror--HORROR! Would I not rather die this
minute; ay, or die a thousand times!"
Again Ludovico got up from his chair and paced the room, sometimes
stopping abruptly in apparently deep thought, and sometimes resuming his
walk with every appearance of despair in his face and gestures. It is
needless to say that Paolina had spoken the very inmost truth that was
in her heart in all its entirety; but she had also succeeded in making
him feel that it was so.
There is often a feeling in a man's mind on such occasions--a feeling
too closely allied to selfishness--which leads him to be dissatisfied
with what seems to him the unwillingness of a woman to make sacrifices
to her love. And often a woman, knowing this, and calculating mostly
falsely, is urged to yield by a desire of proving that she does not
deserve such a suspicion. But Ludovico had no such thought in his mind.
He knew that Paolina had not only spoken truly, but had represented her
mind accurately. It was not that she "respected herself." The poor child
had never received any lessons which could teach her such respect. She
had been perfectly ready to accept the social position of Ludovico's
mistress, until the power of a great, true, and pure love had unsealed
the eyes of her understanding, of her imagination, and of her heart to
the nature--not of the social position of such a tie as that proposed to
her--but of the absolute imperious necessity of sharing such a love with
none. Putting all notion of principle, of duty, of the understood
expediency of conforming to laws divine, and human, out of the question,
such a love as Paolina felt demands this with a cogency of insistence
that cannot be set aside. And the man who hopes, or flatters himself, or
suffers himself to be persuaded that such a love has been given to him
upon any other terms, is--he may rely upon it with the certainty due to
an eternal law of nature--deceived. The quality of the love which may
have so been given to him is of a different kind.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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