operations that were to mean much for many of my coming years. Those of
quiet Mr. Crowe held me spellbound--I was to circle so wistfully, as
from that beginning, round the practice of his art, which in spite of
these earnest approaches and intentions never on its own part in the
least acknowledged our acquaintance; scarcely much more than it was ever
to respond, for that matter, to the overtures of the mild aspirant
himself, known to my observation long afterwards, in the London years,
as the most touchingly resigned of the children of disappointment. Not
only by association was he a Thackerayan figure, but much as if the
master's hand had stamped him with the outline and the value, with life
and sweetness and patience--shown, as after the long futility, seated
in a quiet wait, very long too, for the end. That was sad, one couldn't
but feel; yet it was in the oddest way impossible to take him for a
failure. He might have been one of fortune's, strictly; but what was
that when he was one of Thackeray's own successes?--in the minor line,
but with such a grace and such a truth, those of some dim second cousin
to Colonel Newcome.
VIII
I feel that at such a rate I remember too much, and yet this mild
apparitionism is only part of it. To look back at all is to meet the
apparitional and to find in its ghostly face the silent stare of an
appeal. When I fix it, the hovering shade, whether of person or place,
it fixes me back and seems the less lost--not to my consciousness, for
that is nothing, but to its own--by my stopping however idly for it. The
day of the daguerreotype, the August afternoon, what was it if not one
of the days when we went to Union Square for luncheon and for more
ice-cream and more peaches and even more, even most, enjoyment of ease
accompanied by stimulation of wonder? It may have been indeed that a
visit to Mrs. Cannon rather on that occasion engaged us--memory selects
a little confusedly from such a wealth of experience. For the wonder was
the experience, and that was everywhere, even if I didn't so much find
it as take it with me, to be sure of not falling short. Mrs. Cannon
lurked near Fourth Street--_that_ I abundantly grasp, not more
definitely placing her than in what seemed to me a labyrinth of grave
bye-streets westwardly "back of" Broadway, yet at no great distance
from it, where she must have occupied a house at a corner, since we
reached her not by steps that went up to a front door but by others that
went slightly down and formed clearly an independent side access, a
feature that affected me as rich and strange. What the steps went down
to was a spacious room, light and friendly, so that it couldn't have
been compromised by an "area," which offered the brave mystification,
amid other mystifications, of being at once a parlour and a shop, a shop
in particular for the relief of gentlemen in want of
pockethandkerchiefs, neckties, collars, umbrellas and straw-covered
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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