Produced by Arthur DiBianca A SOCIETY CLOWN REMINISCENCES BY GEORGE GROSSMITH Dedicated TO ONE WHO BESIDES BEING MY WIFE HAS ALSO BEEN MY TRUEST FRIEND AND MY BEST ADVISER. CONTENTS. I. EXPLANATORY II. EARLY RECOLLECTIONS III. AT BOW STREET POLICE COURT IV. FROM AMATEUR TO PROFESSIONAL V. IN THE PROVINCES VI. GILBERT AND SULLIVAN VII. A SOCIETY CLOWN VIII. A VERY SNOBBISH CHAPTER A SOCIETY CLOWN. CHAPTER I. Explanatory. "You've no idea what a poor opinion I have of myself, and how little I deserve it."--_Ruddigore_. It was one dark, dank, dreary, dismal night in February, 1888 (I believe that is the way to commence a book, no matter what the subject be), when the present writer might have been seen standing, with other gentlemen, in a sombre dining-room brilliantly illuminated with one ceiling-lamp buried in a deep red shade. We were standing round the dining-room table, each with a dinner-napkin in the left hand; while the right hand was occupied in moving back chairs, to permit of the departure of the ladies for the drawing-room. I could not help thinking that, as they filed off, the ladies looked like queens; while we (especially with the aid of the serviettes) looked like waiters. The gentlemen drew their chairs round the host, and wine was languidly passed round. A tall gentleman, with a heavy beard, to whom I had not been introduced, approached me, and sat by my side. He passed me the spirit-lamp, for which I thanked him while lighting my cigarette. He then commenced a conversation in earnest. "Did you see that Mr. ---- is writing his reminiscences?" "Yes." "Don't you think it rather a pity that he should do so?" "Why a pity?" I asked in reply to his question. "Well, I always think the moment a man begins to write his reminiscences he is bound, more or less, to make an ass of himself." "In what way?" I asked. "In the first place, he is hampered by having to be so egotistical. He must talk about himself, which is never a nice thing to do. He cannot very well tell stories in his own favour; and if he tells them against himself, he affects humility: if he talks about his distinguished acquaintances, he becomes a snob; in short, I can only repeat my former observation, that he is bound to make an ass of himself." For a moment or two I did not know what to say, for my conscience smote me. At last I said: "I am very pleased to hear your candid, and certainly unbiassed, opinion; for I have just accepted an offer from Mr. Arrowsmith to do a shilling book of my own reminiscences for the Bristol Library Series." My friend did not know what to say for a moment. His conscience evidently smote him. At last he remarked: "I fear I have said one of those things that are best left unsaid."