I do not know how to describe their condition in scientific terms;
but there is a sensation of tense excitement combined with a sort of
uncanny calm. Their emotions seem to be numbed. Noises, sights, and
sensations which would ordinarily produce intense pity, horror, or
dread, have no effect on them at all, and yet never was their mind
clearer, their sight, hearing, etc., more acute. They notice all sorts
of little details which would ordinarily pass them by, but which now
thrust themselves on their attention with absurd definiteness--absurd
because so utterly incongruous and meaningless. Or they suddenly
remember with extraordinary clearness some trivial incident of their
past life, hitherto unremembered, and not a bit worth remembering! But
with the issue before them, with victory or death or the prospect of
eternity, their minds blankly refuse to come to grips.
No; it is not at the moment of a charge that men fear death. As in
the case of those who die in bed, Nature has an anesthetic ready for
the emergency. It is before an attack that a man is more liable to
fear--before his blood is hot, and while he still has leisure to
think. The trouble may begin a day or two in advance, when he is first
told of the attack which is likely to mean death to himself and so
many of his chums. This part is comparatively easy. It is fairly easy
to be philosophic if one has plenty of time. One indulges in regrets
about the home one may never see again. One is rather sorry for
oneself; but such self-pity is not wholly unpleasant. One feels mildly
heroic, which is not wholly disagreeable either. Very few men are
afraid of death in the abstract. Very few men believe in hell, or are
tortured by their consciences. They are doubtful about after-death,
hesitating between a belief in eternal oblivion and a belief in a new
life under the same management as the present; and neither prospect
fills them with terror. If only one's "people" would be sensible, one
would not mind.
But as the hour approaches when the attack is due to be launched the
strain becomes more tense. The men are probably cooped up in a very
small space. Movement is very restricted. Matches must not be struck.
Voices must be hushed to a whisper. Shells bursting and machine guns
rattling bring home the grim reality of the affair. It is then more
than at any other time in an attack that a man has to "face the
spectres of the mind," and lay them if he can. Few men care for those
hours of waiting.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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