She gave them each a little nod of farewell and tripped lightly out of
the room. The two men looked at each other, rather sadly.
“Oh, Raine--is it too late? Couldn't you?”
“No, dad,” said Raine. “I am afraid other things are too serious.”
Later in the day he opened his note-book and his eye fell upon the last
fragment he had scribbled. He threw it upon his dressing-table with an
exclamation of impatience. The personal application of his aphorisms was
too sudden and obvious to be pleasant.
There was no doubt now in his mind as to the face that attracted him to
Geneva. It had vanished on the first day of his arrival, when he had
seen Katherine comforting the hurt child. He was conscious too that it
had been Katherine all along, at Oxford, whose memory had haunted
him, that he had only evoked that of Felicia in order to enable him
to deceive himself. He had practised the self-delusion systematically,
whenever his thoughts had drifted away from the work and interests that
surrounded him. He had made light of the matter, treated it jestingly,
grown angry when it obtruded itself seriously on his thoughts. For he
had shrunk, with the instinctive fear of a man of strong nature, from
exposing to the touch a range of feelings which had once brought
him great sorrow. To love meant to bring into play a man's emotions,
infinitely deeper than those of a boy, and subject to far more
widely-reaching consequences. For this reason he had mocked at the idea
of being in love with Katherine, had forced himself, since the power
that drew him to Geneva could not be disregarded, to consider Felicia
as an equal component, and at the time of his light confidence to
Mrs. Monteith, had almost persuaded himself that he was indulging in a
whimsical holiday fancy.
But he could delude himself no longer. From the first meeting he knew
that it was not the young girl, but the older, deeper-natured woman that
had stirred him. He had felt kindly and grateful to her for his father's
sake; but there his feelings had stopped. Whereas, with Katherine,
he had been drifting, he knew not whither. The process of subjective
development had been brought suddenly to its climax by his father's
words. He realized that he loved Katherine.
To fly away from Geneva at this moment was particularly
unpleasant--necessitating almost the rending of his heart-strings. But
as he had decided, he sent a telegram to Rogers at Chamonix, secured a
place in the next morning's diligence, and packed his Gladstone-bag and
knapsack. He was sincerely sorry for Felicia. No decent, honest man can
learn that a girl has given him her heart in vain, without a certain
amount of pain and perplexity.
“And to think that I have been such a blind idiot as never even to
suspect it?” he exclaimed with a vicious jerk of the bag-strap, which
burst it, and thereby occasioned a temporary diversion.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account