had come back to her all the flood of jealous sensuality that had
sullied her formerly to so great an extent that the traces were still to
be seen. After he had outraged her, trampled her under foot, left her,
after having placed the irreparable obstacle of marriage and desertion
between them, she felt and understood this monstrous thing, one
impossible in any other man, but quite natural in him, that Olivier
loved her still. He loved her, if it can be called love to have for a
woman that detestable mixture of passion and hatred which calls forth
incessantly the cruelty of enjoyment, the ferocity of pleasure.
He loved her. His attitude toward her would have been inexplicable
without this anomalous, hideous sentiment which had lived in him through
all and in spite of all! And, at the same time, he treasured his friend
with that jealous, stormy, passionate friendship which was tearing his
heart at this moment with unheard-of emotions and sufferings. To what
extent might he not be led by the frenzy of such torture agonizing as a
steel blade turned and re-turned in a wound? What could equal the pain
of having loved, of still loving, a former mistress,--of loving her with
such evil, sinister love,--and of knowing that woman was the
mistress of his best, his most tenderly beloved friend, of a brother by
adoption, cherished more than a brother by blood?
As clearly as she saw the first rays of dawn piercing the curtains at
the end of this night of terrified meditation, Ely saw these sentiments
at work in Olivier's heart.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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