"You are angry with me?" he said.--"And yet you see that I came the
moment I knew you were ill.--When you are well again I will explain all
that has taken place. You will see that things have not been what you
believe.--Ah! what suffering you would have spared us both if you had
only spoken during the past few days!"
"I do not condemn you," said the poor girl, "and I do not ask you to
explain anything.--I love you and you do not love me; that is what I
know. It is not your fault, but nothing can change it.--You have just
been very good to me," she added, "and I thank you for it. I am so worn
out that I would like to rest."
"It is the beginning of the end," thought Olivier, as he passed into the
salon in obedience to his wife's wish. "What will become of our
household?--If I do not succeed in winning her back, in healing her
wounded heart, it will mean a separation in a very short time, and for
me it will mean the recommencement of an aimless life.--Heal her heart
when my own is bleeding!--Poor child! How I have made her suffer!"
Through all the complications caused by his impressionability, he had
retained the conscience of an honorable man. It was too sensitive not to
shrink with remorse from the answer to this question. But--who does not
know it by experience?--neither remorse nor pity, the two noblest
virtues of the human soul, has ever prevailed against the dominating
frenzy of passion in a being who loves. Olivier's thoughts quickly
turned from the consideration of poor Berthe to the opposite side. The
fever of the kisses he had pressed on Ely's pale, quivering face burned
in his veins. The image of his friend, of the lover to whom the woman
now belonged, recurred to him at the same time, and his two secret
wounds began to bleed again so violently that he forgot everything that
did not concern Ely or Pierre, Pierre or Ely. And a keener suffering
than any he had yet experienced attacked him. What was his friend, his
brother, doing? What had become of the being to whom he had given so
large a part of his very soul? What was still left of their friendship?
What would there still be left to-morrow?
Face to face with a prospective rupture with Hautefeuille, Olivier felt
that this was for him the uttermost limit of anguish, the supreme stroke
that he could not support. The wreck of his married life was a blow for
which he was prepared. His frightful and desperate reflux of passion for
Ely de Carlsberg was a horrible trial, but he would submit to it. But to
lose his consecrated friendship, to possess no longer this unique
sentiment in which he had always found a refuge, a support, a
consolation, a reason for self-esteem and for believing in good, was the
final destruction of all. After this there was nothing in life to which
he could turn, no one for whom and with whom to live. It was the
entrance into the icy night, into total solitude.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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