All the future of their friendship was at stake in this moment, and yet
he remained there motionless, letting time slip by that was priceless. A
few minutes before, when they were in the carriage returning to the
hotel, he could not say a single word to Pierre. Now he must at all
costs defend this beloved, noble sentiment, take part in the struggle of
which the heart of his friend, so cruelly wounded, was the scene. How
would he receive him? What could they say to each other? Olivier did not
ask. The instinct that made him leave his room to go down to
Hautefeuille's was as unconscious, as irreflective, as his wife's appeal
to Hautefeuille had been, that appeal which had ruined all. Would
Olivier's advances be followed with as fatal results?
When he had passed the threshold of the room, he saw Pierre sitting
before a table, his head resting on his hands. A sheet of paper before
him, still blank, showed that he had intended to write a letter, but had
not been able. The pen had slipped from his fingers upon the paper and
he had left it there. Through the window beyond this living statue of
despair Olivier saw the wonderful afternoon sky, a soft pile of delicate
hues in which the blue was deepened into mauve. Glorious masses of
mimosa filled the vases and filled with their refreshing and yet heavy
perfume the retreat in which the young lover had revelled during the
winter in hours of romantic reverie, in which he was now draining the
vast cup of bitterness that the eternal Delilah fills for her dearest
victims!
Olivier had suffered many a poignant shock during this tragic afternoon,
but none more agonizing than the silent spectacle of this deep, endless
suffering. All the virility of his friendship awoke and his own grief
melted in a fathomless tenderness for the companion of his childhood and
youth, who was dying before his eyes. He put his hand upon Pierre's
shoulder, gently and lightly, as though he divined that at his contact
the jealous body of the lover must rebel and shrink back in horror, in
aversion.
"It is I," he said; "it is I, Olivier.--You must feel that we cannot
remain with this weight upon our hearts. It is a load under which you
are reeling and which is stifling me. You are suffering; I am also in
torture. Our pain will be less if we bear it together, each supporting
the other.--I owe you an explanation, and I have come to give it you.
Between us there can be no secret now. Madame de Carlsberg has told me
all."
Hautefeuille did not appear to have heard the first words his friend
uttered. But at the sound of his mistress's name he raised his head. His
features were horribly contracted, betraying the dreadful suffering of a
grief that has not found relief in tears. He replied in a dry voice in
which all his repulsion was manifest.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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