Americans -- Europe -- Fiction; Europe -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Walking -- Fiction
"You are from a land where any insolent that wants to is privileged
to profane and insult Nature, and, through her, Nature's God, if by
so doing he can put a sordid penny in his pocket. But here the case is
different. Because you are a foreigner and ignorant, I will make your
sentence light; if you were a native I would deal strenuously with
you. Hear and obey: --You will immediately remove every trace of
your offensive work from the Schiller monument; you pay a fine of ten
thousand francs; you will suffer two years' imprisonment at hard labor;
you will then be horsewhipped, tarred and feathered, deprived of your
ears, ridden on a rail to the confines of the canton, and banished
forever. The severest penalties are omitted in your case--not as a grace
to you, but to that great republic which had the misfortune to give you
birth."
The steamer's benches were ranged back to back across the deck. My back
hair was mingling innocently with the back hair of a couple of
ladies. Presently they were addressed by some one and I overheard this
conversation:
"You are Americans, I think? So'm I."
"Yes--we are Americans."
"I knew it--I can always tell them. What ship did you come over in?"
"CITY OF CHESTER."
"Oh, yes--Inman line. We came in the BATAVIA--Cunard you know. What kind
of a passage did you have?"
"Pretty fair."
"That was luck. We had it awful rough. Captain said he'd hardly seen it
rougher. Where are you from?"
"New Jersey."
"So'm I. No--I didn't mean that; I'm from New England. New Bloomfield's
my place. These your children?--belong to both of you?"
"Only to one of us; they are mine; my friend is not married."
"Single, I reckon? So'm I. Are you two ladies traveling alone?"
"No--my husband is with us."
"Our whole family's along. It's awful slow, going around alone--don't
you think so?"
"I suppose it must be."
"Hi, there's Mount Pilatus coming in sight again. Named after Pontius
Pilate, you know, that shot the apple off of William Tell's head.
Guide-book tells all about it, they say. I didn't read it--an American
told me. I don't read when I'm knocking around like this, having a good
time. Did you ever see the chapel where William Tell used to preach?"
"I did not know he ever preached there."
"Oh, yes, he did. That American told me so. He don't ever shut up
his guide-book. He knows more about this lake than the fishes in it.
Besides, they CALL it 'Tell's Chapel'--you know that yourself. You ever
been over here before?"
"Yes."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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