TOM FASHION. [_Aside to_ LORY.] Be quiet; they are in the plot.—[_Aloud_.] Only a few friends, Sir Tunbelly, whom I wish to introduce to you. LORD FOPPINGTON. Thou art the most impudent fellow, Tam, that ever nature yet brought into the world.—Sir Tunbelly, strike me speechless, but these are my friends and acquaintance, and my guests, and they will soon inform thee whether I am the true Lord Foppington or not. _Enter_ LOVELESS, COLONEL TOWNLY, AMANDA, _and_ BERINTHIA.—LORD FOPPINGTON _accosts them as they pass, but none answer him. Fash_. So, gentlemen, this is friendly; I rejoice to see you. COLONEL TOWNLY. My lord, we are fortunate to be the witnesses of your lordship’s happiness. LOVELESS. But your lordship will do us the honour to introduce us to Sir Tunbelly Clumsy? AMANDA. And us to your lady. LORD FOPPINGTON. Gad take me, but they are all in a story! [_Aside_.] SIR TUNBELLY CLUMSY. Gentlemen, you do me much honour; my Lord Foppington’s friends will ever be welcome to me and mine. TOM FASHION. My love, let me introduce you to these ladies. MISS HOYDEN. By goles, they look so fine and so stiff, I am almost ashamed to come nigh ’em. AMANDA. A most engaging lady indeed! MISS HOYDEN. Thank ye, ma’am. BERINTHIA. And I doubt not will soon distinguish herself in the beau monde. MISS HOYDEN. Where is that? TOM FASHION. You’ll soon learn, my dear. LOVELESS. But Lord Foppington— LORD FOPPINGTON. Sir! LOVELESS. Sir! I was not addressing myself to you, sir!—Pray who is this gentleman? He seems rather in a singular predicament— COLONEL TOWNLY. For so well-dressed a person, a little oddly circumstanced, indeed. SIR TUNBELLY CLUMSY. Ha! ha! ha!—So, these are your friends and your guests, ha, my adventurer? LORD FOPPINGTON. I am struck dumb with their impudence, and cannot positively say whether I shall ever speak again or not. SIR TUNBELLY CLUMSY. Why, sir, this modest gentleman wanted to pass himself upon me as Lord Foppington, and carry off my daughter. LOVELESS. A likely plot to succeed, truly, ha! ha! LORD FOPPINGTON. As Gad shall judge me, Loveless, I did not expect this from thee. Come, pr’ythee confess the joke; tell Sir Tunbelly that I am the real Lord Foppington, who yesterday made love to thy wife; was honoured by her with a slap on the face, and afterwards pinked through the body by thee. SIR TUNBELLY CLUMSY. A likely story, truly, that a peer would behave thus. LOVELESS. A pretty fellow, indeed, that would scandalize the character he wants to assume; but what will you do with him, Sir Tunbelly? SIR TUNBELLY CLUMSY. Commit him, certainly, unless the bride and bridegroom choose to pardon him. LORD FOPPINGTON. Bride and bridegroom! For Gad’s sake, Sir Tunbelly, ’tis tarture to me to hear you call ’em so. MISS HOYDEN. Why, you ugly thing, what would you have him call us—dog and cat? LORD FOPPINGTON. By no means, miss; for that sounds ten times more like man and wife than t’other.