Just then the nurse awoke, and sprang from his chair in terror, for his
patient was not in bed, but standing before his long dressing-glass,
looking into it and talking to his reflected image in the greatest
excitement. It was with the utmost difficulty that he would allow
himself to be led away from the mirror and put to bed. His delirium had
reached its height, and showed him the true state of his own soul in
the form of an allegory. That which his reason had never been able to
solve was depicted before him in bodily form, by the divining power of
the instincts of feverish hallucinations; and thus this vision was the
true picture of his life, and the separation he had witnessed only the
symbol of his own secret struggles.
* * *
After three months of great suffering, Ottmar at last recovered, but so
slowly that the physician forbade him to resume his studies, and
advised him to seek health and diversion for his thoughts in travel.
As he heard that Madame d'Anneaud was still living in Paris, he
hastened thither to resume his former relations with her. But here, for
the first time, the signs of his twofold nature became apparent. The
glittering, alluring form in which materialism clothes itself on the
one hand, intellectual suggestions on the other hand, and French
frivolity, did not fail to produce their effect. The man of reason and
sensuality developed such rude contrasts of character that he became
what he had beheld in his dream, "_Heinrich_" the cold thinker, and
"_Henri_" the careless _bon vivant_ in one person, changing as often
and as suddenly as if they were two separate individuals forced to
inhabit the same body. He was proud of this transformation, for he
could now enjoy and obtain everything: but happy he was not. The same
thing befell Ottmar that has happened to so many others in whom the
strange wonder of a secret rupture has taken place. Where intellect
reigned it required only cold knowledge and understanding; where
feeling ruled it degenerated into a burning fire, which, when the
moment of extinction arrived, left nothing but emptiness and
indifference. Thus by turns both extremes took possession of the pliant
body, and his beautiful features, gradually moulding themselves
according to the division in the soul, now bore the impress of the
astute thinker, and anon the winning charm of the lover. He possessed
one of those temperaments at which one gazes as a "marvel of genius,"
which exert an alluring charm over women, who perceive in them a
"demoniac spell," a tempting enigma which irresistibly occupies their
thoughts, but in whose solution many a woman's heart has slowly bled to
death.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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