United States -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
“The house hasn’t seemed so sweet and fresh since my mother died,” he
went on, as he dropped her hand, “and I haven’t had so many flowers and
green things in it since I lost my eyesight.”
“Was it long ago?”
“Ten years. Is that long?”
“Long to bear a burden.”
“I hope you know little of burden-bearing?”
“I know little else.”
“I might have guessed it from the alacrity with which you took up Davy’s
and mine. You must be very happy to have the power to make things
straight and sunny and wholesome; to breathe your strength into
helplessness such as mine. I thank you, and I envy you. Good-night.”
Lyddy turned on her heel without a word; her mind was beyond and above
words. The sky seemed to have descended upon, enveloped her, caught her
up into its heaven, as she rose into unaccustomed heights of feeling,
like Elijah in his chariot of fire. She very happy! She with
power—power to make things straight and sunny and wholesome! She able to
breathe strength into helplessness, even a consecrated, God-smitten
helplessness like his! She not only to be thanked, but envied!
Her house seemed strange to her that night. She went to bed in the dark,
dreading even the light of a candle; and before she turned down her
counterpane she flung herself on her knees, and poured out her soul in a
prayer that had been growing, waiting, and waited for, perhaps, for
years:
“O Lord, I thank Thee for health and strength and life. I never could do
it before, but I thank Thee to-night for life on any terms. I thank Thee
for this home; for the chance of helping another human creature, stricken
like myself; for the privilege of ministering to a motherless child.
Make me to long only for the beauty of holiness, and to be satisfied if I
attain to it. Wash my soul pure and clean, and let that be the only
mirror in which I see my face. I have tried to be useful. Forgive me if
it always seemed so hard and dreary a life. Forgive me if I am too happy
because for one short day I have really helped in a beautiful way, and
found a friend who saw, because he was blind, the real _me_ underneath;
the me that never was burned by the fire; the me that isn’t disfigured,
unless my wicked discontent has done it; the me that has lived on and on
and on, starving to death for the friendship and sympathy and love that
come to other women. I have spent my forty years in the wilderness,
feeding on wrath and bitterness and tears. Forgive me, Lord, and give me
one more vision of the blessed land of Canaan, even if I never dwell
there.”
VI
“Nor less the eternal poles
Of tendency distribute souls.
There need no vows to bind
Whom not each other seek, but find.”
EMERSON’S Celestial Love.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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