HAND. Well, I can hardly believe my senses! There was the statue before my very eyes; there were the thieves in the very act of stealing the antique marble before my eyes; there was everything before my eyes, and, blow me, if it didn't disappear before my eyes. It's the most mysterious affair I ever came across. I--who have been in the Criminal Investigation Department for over thirty years, and reckoned the finest man for having innocent men and women hanged and transported--done. I've been had by some illusion? What shall I do? Shall I resign my position in the force, and go back to tripe dressing? No--no! I'll have a case ere to-morrow or my name is not Handsaw. Ah, what is that I see? A little boy eating bread and dripping in the open street, before the gaze of the passers-by? Oh, this _must_ be seen into! I should lose _all_ respect for myself as a member of the force if I didn't lock some poor little innocent little child up for doing nothing. It's a way we've got in the force. Now, then, my bold and massive wretch of three years old, I'm down on you like two ton of bricks! [_Exit._ _Enter TWO ROBBERS, R._ FIRST R. What do you think of it, Bill--it vanished? SECOND R. Wonderful! Never see anything like it since our tom cat had chickens. FIRST R. Go on, your tom cat have chickens! What do you take me for? Your tom cat have chickens! SECOND R. I'll bet you I'm right. Our tom cat had chickens! FIRST R. When? SECOND R. Why, one night out in the yard! The fowl-house was left open, our tom cat rushed in and sneaked a couple of chickens--so didn't he have chickens? FIRST R. Go on, you fathead. I could have told you that. SECOND R. Well, why didn't you? Here, I sha'n't go in for sneaking statues again. I believe they are all pretty well alive. Didn't you ever hear of _Peg million and Gill o' beer?_--him as makes a figure, and it comes to life? Do you know, I think I was made for something better than hard work? FIRST R. You work? Why, you never robbed an honest man of a hard day's work in your blooming natural! Look here, I'm going to chuck statues--I'm going in for di'mons! SECOND R. Well, I'll trump it. FIRST R. No; you don't understand me. Suppose now I were to go into a di'mond merchant's and asked him to show me some of his most valuable di'monds, what would be the first thing he would show me? SECOND R. The door. FIRST R. No; you don't understand me. SECOND R. But the bloke would. FIRST R. Look here! I'll put it in another way. Suppose I was to go into the Bank of England for five thousand quid, what would I come out with? SECOND R. A copper. FIRST R. Oh, you don't catch my meaning! SECOND R. No; and you don't catch their money! FIRST R. Bah, you're next to a fool! SECOND R. Yes, I'm not far off you! FIRST R. Come on, let's see if we can do anything to make up for the blooming mess we've made over this statue business--what shall we say to the bloke that paid us to sneak this marble Venus?