"That's artfully put, Helen! But, really, there are some things which I
have respected you too much to name to you. A general knowledge of my
past faults and follies you have long had; but, from no unworthy motive,
I have shrunk from talking to you of any particular one: and I feel
pained and shocked, my beloved wife, to know that you are aware of that
lady's having once been very near, if not very dear, to me in the days
of my early youth."
"Enough," said I, "enough! Forget that I know any thing which you wished
me not to know, and assure yourself that I will forget also."
"You are a wise and good girl," he replied, kindly pressing the arm that
reposed in his: "but my little aunt is capable of making much mischief
between married persons, where the mind of the wife is weak, and her
temper suspicious."
But how irritated I was against Lord Charles that evening! He forced
conversation with Pendarves whenever we passed him, and gave Lady Bell
an opportunity of fixing her dark eyes on him in a manner which having
once seen, I took care never to see again. I am sure it offended him as
much as it did me; for though Lady Bell was not absolutely excluded from
society, she was by no means a woman to be forced on the notice of any
man who had a virtuous wife leaning on his arm; and in returning her
bow, Pendarves had done all that civility required of him: but I am
convinced that Lord Charles wished to give me pain; and he was also in
hopes that I should resent the appearance of any acquaintance remaining
between the quondam lovers, and thereby occasion a coolness between my
husband and myself.
This was the longest and the only painful evening I had ever passed at
Ranelagh; and from that moment I took such a dislike to it, that I was
very glad when the great heat of the weather made my usual companions at
such places substitute Vauxhall for Ranelagh. But at Vauxhall the same
lovely and unwelcome vision crossed my path; and I once overheard a
gentleman say, looking back at my husband, who had stopt to speak to
some ladies, "What a lucky fellow that Pendarves is! The two finest
women in the garden--aye, or in London, are his wife, and his quondam
mistress." The compliment to myself was deprived of its power to please
me, by these wounding words, my husband's "quondam mistress." And was
then that disgraceful connexion so well known? The thought was an
overwhelming one, and I began to resent my husband's having bowed to
this woman in my presence. But perhaps he was entreated to do so in
order to shield her reputation? If so, could he do otherwise? And as I
was always glad to find an excuse for Pendarves, I satisfied myself
thus, and my recent displeasure was forgotten.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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