“Not a bit of it. If she is as beautiful as an angel, with the voice of a
peacock or a guinea-hen--and, luckily for me, that is a frequent
arrangement--she is no more to me than the fire-shovel. If she has a
sweet voice and pale eyes, I'm safe. Indeed, I am safe against Juno,
Venus, and Minerva for two years and several months after the last; but
when two events coincide, when my time is up, and the lovely, melodious
female comes, then I am lost. Before I have seen her and heard her five
minutes, I know my fate, and I never resist it. I never can; that is a
curious part of the mania. Then commences a little drama, all the acts of
which are stale copies; yet each time they take me by surprise, as if
they were new. In spite of past experience, I begin all confidence and
trust: by-and-by come the subtle but well-known signs of deceit; so doubt
is forced on me; and then I am all suspicion, and so darkly vigilant that
soon all is certainty; for 'les fourberies des femmes' are diabolically
subtle, but monotonous. They seem to vary only on the surface. One looks
too gentle and sweet to give any creature pain; I cherish her like a
tender plant; she deceives me for the coarsest fellow she can find.
Another comes the frank and candid dodge; she is so off-handed she shows
me it is not worth her while to betray. She deceives me, like the other,
and with as little discrimination. The next has a face of beaming
innocence, and a limpid eye that looks like transparent candor; she gazes
long and calmly in my face, as if her eye loved to dwell on me, gazes
with the eye of a gazelle or a young hare, and the baby lips below outlie
the hoariest male fox in the Old Jewry. But, to complete the delusion,
all my sweethearts and wives are romantic and poetical skin-deep--or they
would not attract me--and all turn out vulgar to the core. By their
lovers alone can you ever know them. By the men they can't love, and the
men they do love, you find these creatures that imitate sentiment so
divinely are hard, prosaic, vulgar little things, thinly gilt and double
varnished.”
“They are much better than we are; but you don't know how to take them,”
said Severne, with the calm superiority of success.
“No,” replied Vizard, dryly, “curse me if I do. Well, I did hope I had
outgrown my mania, as I have done the toothache; for this time I had
passed the fatal period, the three years. It is nearly four years now
since I went through the established process--as fixed beforehand as the
dyer's or the cotton-weaver's--adored her, trusted her blindly, suspected
her, watched her, detected her, left her. By-the-by, she was my wife, the
last; but that made no difference; she was neither better nor worse than
the rest, and her methods and idiotic motives of deceit identical. Well,
Ned, I was mistaken. Yesterday night I met my Fate once more.”
“Where? In Frankfort?”
“No: at Homburg; at the opera. You must give me your word not to tell a
soul.”
“I pledge you my word of honor.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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