I thought then of writing the life of an accomplished woman, not so much
of the accomplishment as of the woman; and I have never been able to
make a start at it without thinking of Pauline Mills and that curious
social warp which obligates us most to impeach the validity of a woman's
opinion at the points where it is most supported by experience. From the
earliest I have been rendered highly suspicious of the social estimate
of women, by the general social conspiracy against her telling the truth
about herself. But, in fact, I do not think Mrs. Mills will read my
book. Henry will read it first at his office and tell her that he'd
rather she shouldn't, for Henry has been so successfully Paulined that
it is quite sufficient for any statement of life to lie outside his
wife's accepted bias, to stamp it with insidious impropriety. There is
at times something almost heroic in the resolution with which women like
Pauline Mills defend themselves from whatever might shift the centres of
their complacency.
But even without Pauline, it interests me greatly to undertake this
book, of which I have said in the title as much as a phrase may of the
scope of the undertaking, for if I know anything of genius it is wholly
extraneous, derived, impersonal, flowing through and by. I cannot tell
you what it is, but I hope to show you a little of how I was seized of
it, shaped; what resistances opposed to it; what surrenders. I mean to
put as plainly as possible how I felt it fumbling at my earlier life
like the sea at the foot of a tidal wall, and by what rifts in the
structure of living, its inundation rose upon me; by what practices and
passions I was enlarged to it, and by what well meaning of my friends I
was cramped and hardened. But of its ultimate operation once it had
worked up through my stiff clay, of triumphs, profits, all the
intricacies of technique, gossip of rehearsals, you shall hear next to
nothing. This is the story of the struggle between a Genius for Tragic
Acting and the daughter of a County Clerk, with the social ideal of
Taylorville, Ohianna, for the villain. It is a drama in which none of
the characters played the parts they were cast for, and invariably spoke
from the wrong cues, which nevertheless proceeded to a successful
dénouement. But if you are looking for anything ordinarily called plot,
you will be disappointed. Plot is distinctly the province of fiction,
though I've a notion there is a sort of order in my story, if one could
look at it from the vantage of the gods, but I have never rightly made
it out. What I mean to go about is the exploitation of the personal
phases of genius, of which when it refers to myself you must not
understand me to speak as of a peculiar merit, like the faculty for
presiding at a woman's club or baking sixteen pies of a morning, which
distinguished one Taylorvillian from another; rather as a seizure, a
possession which overtook me unaware, like one of those insidious
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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