The dawn of the following sacred day was bright, beautiful, and
serene, bringing to the world a new wealth of opportunity. Miss
Wildmere began its hours depressed and undecided. Her conscience and
better angel were pleading; she felt vaguely that her life and its
motives were wrong, and was uncomfortable over the consciousness. Her
phase of character, however, was one of the most hopeless. It was true
that her vanity had grown to the proportions of a disease, but even
this might be overcome. Her father's stern words had wounded it
terribly, and she had experienced twinges of self-disgust. But another
trait had become inwrought, by long habit, with every fibre of her
soul--selfishness. It was almost impossible to give up her own way and
wishes. Graydon Muir pleased her fancy, and she was bent on marrying
him. Her father's assurance that she would bring him disappointment,
not happiness, weighed little. Too many men had told her that she
was essential to their happiness to permit qualms on this score. Her
conscience did shrink, to some extent, from a loveless, business-like
marriage, and her preference for Graydon made such a union all the
more repugnant; but she was incapable of feeling that she would do him
a wrong by giving him the pretty jewelled hand for which so many had
asked. Indeed, the question now was, Could she be so self-sacrificing
as to think of it under the circumstances? If that stock would only
rise, if in some way she could be assured that the Muirs would be
sustained, and so pass on to the wealth sure to flow in upon them in
prosperous times, she would decide the question at once, whether they
would do anything for her father or not. He could scramble on in
some way, as he had done in the past. What she desired most was the
assurance that there should be no long and doubtful interregnum
of poverty and privation--that she might continue to be a queen in
society during the period of youth and beauty.
This remained the chief consideration amid the chaos of her
conflicting feelings and interests, for she had lived this life so
long that she could imagine no other as endurable. She had, moreover,
the persistence of a small nature, and longed to humiliate the Muir
pride, and to spite Madge Alden, who she half believed cherished more
than a sisterly regard for Graydon. As for her father, she did little
more than resent his words and the humiliating disquietude they had
caused. They had sorely wounded her vanity, and presented a painful
alternative.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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