Produced by An Anonymous Volunteer ADE'S FABLES BY GEORGE ADE BY THE SAME AUTHOR _The College Widow, In Pastures New, Knocking the Neighbors, Fables in Slang_ _Illustrated by John T. McCutcheon_ GARDEN CITY NEW YORK DOUBLEDAY, PAGE & COMPANY 1914 _Copyright, 1912, 1913, by_ COSMOPOLITAN MAGAZINE _Copyright, 1914, by_ DOUBLEDAY, PAGE & CO. _All rights reserved, including that of translation into foreign languages, including the Scandinavian._ CONTENTS The New Fable of the Private Agitator and What He Cooked Up The New Fable of the Speedy Sprite The New Fable of the Intermittent Fusser The New Fable of the Search for Climate The New Fable of the Father Who Jumped In The New Fable of the Uplifter and His Dandy Little Opus The New Fable of the Wandering Boy and the Wayward Parent The New Fable of What Transpires After the Wind-up The Dream That Came Out with Much to Boot The New Fable of the Toilsome Ascent and the Shining Table-Land The New Fable of the Aerial Performer, the Buzzing Blondine, and the Daughter of Mr. Jackson The New Fable of Susan and the Daughter and the Granddaughter, and then Something Really Grand The New Fable of the Scoffer Who Fell Hard and the Woman Sitting By The New Fable of the Lonesome Camp on the Frozen Heights The New Fable of the Marathon in the Mud and the Laurel Wreath ILLUSTRATIONS [omitted] ADE'S FABLES THE NEW FABLE OF THE PRIVATE AGITATOR AND WHAT HE COOKED UP Ambition came, with Sterling Silver Breast-Plate and Flaming Sword, and sat beside a Tad aged 5. The wee Hopeful lived in a Frame House with Box Pillars in front and Hollyhocks leading down toward the Pike. "Whither shall I guide you?" asked Ambition. "Are you far enough from the Shell to have any definite Hankering?" "I have spent many Hours brooding over the possibilities of the Future," replied the Larva. "I want to grow up to be a Joey in a Circus. I fairly ache to sit in a Red Wagon just behind the Band and drive a Trick Mule with little pieces of Looking Glass in the Harness. I want to pull Mugs at all the scared Country Girls peeking out of the Wagon Beds. The Town Boys will leave the Elephant and trail behind my comical Chariot. In my Hour of Triumph the Air will be impregnated with Calliope Music and the Smell of Pop-Corn, modified by Wild Animals." Ambition went out to make the proper Bookings with Destiny. When he came back the Boy was ten years old. "We started wrong," whispered Ambition, curling up in the cool grass near the Day-Dreamer. "The Trick Mule and the Red Cart are all very well for little Fraidy-Cats and Softies, but a brave Youth of High Spirit should tread the Deck of his own Ship with a Cutlass under his Red Sash. Aye, that is Blood gauming up the Scuppers, but is the Captain chicken-hearted? Up with the Black Flag! Let it be give and take, with Pieces of Eight for the Victor!" So it was settled that the Lad was to hurry through the Graded Schools and then get at his Buccaneering.